Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts

28th September 2018

3:59 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

OMG. Assalamualaikum. It's been a hot minute since I last visited this dusty blog! Truth be told, I'm here because of my students. Not UiTM students nor Geomatika, but ASIQS students (I don't think I have ever written about Geomatika though but oh well). Yes, last time I was here, I was in Kuala Pilah teaching fresh graduates English. Right now, I'm back in my hometown of Shah Alam, teaching high school kids; something I told myself I would not venture into. But that is Allah's current plan for me and I think it's alright. Still getting the hang of it, despite already being here for *coughs* 3 years *coughs*. My kids were assigned to create a blog on their own, and you bet your butt that every cell in my body perked up. Blogging? Writing online? What? That's what I love! Or loved, I'm not sure yet. What I know is, this move made by my colleague on them revived something in me that I had left far behind, but I feel like I am ready to embrace again. This was my space that I shared with friends, family, and anybody who actually liked reading the crap I posted. I feel like little old 23 year-old Nashrah again, writing about her wants and needs and thoughts and not caring what people think. But 7 years is a long time, and to be honest, not a lot of old me remains. I've changed quite a bit. 

I have a husband and a son now. Writing it here looks so bizarre when you compare it with my old posts of heartbreaks, longing, and wondering when will I ever get married. It's a small blow to the stomach BUT hilarious at the same time to think how innocent I was about the whole idea. I'm still learning about everything and anything, and living it as I go.

I still love literature, but academically, I did not survive. I guess you could say research isn't my forte. The whole debacle still brings me down (okay breaks my heart is more like it) but I have tried my best to move on. Physically was easy, mentally was not. My friends made it though, and I am extremely happy and proud of them. It just was not meant for me. Perhaps in the future, and in another field. 

Anyway, good things are coming, and I am excited. I just pray God grants me the strength to actually endure it, because there are lots on my plate right now. And that will be in another post, written at another time, possibly soon..or not. We shall see. Toodles!

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fingers crossed

10:59 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

Assalamualaikum. It's been a while since I've written something here. I visit my blog every day actually, solely to check on my friends' updates and stare at my previous posts. I haven't felt so good about myself and others and even life of late to write something good to be read. But I feel like writing something tonight because, get this, I'm prepping my fingers and thoughts to write my own recommendation letter har har. I haven't written in a long time, and haven't been practicing too so Running With Scissors is a start. 

Recommendation letter for what you wonder? Well, I'm trying my luck in applying for a Masters degree in English Lit at IIUM. Why English Literature and not other courses? I love it and during the five years of my bachelor's degree, nothing has ever made me so happy and vibrant in class like Literature did. I beamed, I ooh-ed and aah-ed because the subject was wonderful and it made me feel alive. Yea, a wee bit of an exaggeration there but it is true. 

Why IIUM? My sister is currently studying there so I've had my fair share of visiting and observing the place. I honestly think it is interesting, totally different from UiTM and I feel like it has so much to offer me, to feed my hunger of...what I have missed and of life. And yes, I'm not getting any younger so to be placed in an Islamic-based institution can help me a lot in terms of putting and ensuring my feet and head are on the ground. 

So please make doa for me, hopefully I'll get accepted.

Oh I'm going back to Pilah next week. Something that I'm not looking forward to but I need to be paid and priceless experience need to be gained. Just three months and I'll be back in Shah Alam. *"Chinning" up.*


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work it

7:12 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan



A week left before I leave for Pilah. Am I ready to go back? I have to. I want to. And because I CAN.



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who loves Mondays?

11:50 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan


This is me on weekends, savouring the extra hours I have until Monday comes along. Tomorrow's the dreadful day but we got to do what we got to do. Happy working/ studying everyone x

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fate

10:56 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

Fate. We think and hear it a lot, especially as you get older because when you're small, you don't think much of it. You just live and try to get by with homework and issues among friends and boys. When you've become an adult, the word seems so frequently used that it turns out to be a daily thought inside your head. Nowadays, the way I think tend to be influenced by the people surrounding me. One in particular is my friend, Liyana. From the beginning of our journey as lecturers until now, she has never belittle fate that is entrusted upon her. We had plans, ambitious at that, but along the way, some of that fell through that we just accept and try to pick up the pieces and construct something right with it. The thing that amazes me is that she truly, wholeheartedly accepts what God has planned for her, as He knows everything. And I'm glad I am in similar path. Her philosophical words and actions got me thinking how God has beautifully placed me here for a lot of reasons and every time I pray, I can never get to say thank You enough because I'm just that grateful.

When I'm here, I get to know who really cares and who doesn't; my condition, my belonging, my thoughts and feelings or just the sometimes mundane activities that I do that day. It never occurred to me that these people could be this caring and special. I know now and yes, it makes my day every day.

I also get to test what I have with him. Some of you may think being closer now eases things, but distance is more than meets the eye. Turns out that there are struggles involved after all, but I am ever so glad that we're strong and stable enough to iron the kinks out, even if it means trying out a few times. Maintaining  a relationship is never easy, but it can be sustained if you love enough, trust and pray. 

My love for my family is a whole other thing. I appreciate their presence so much more now, that going home on the weekend isn't just a 2-day stay. It is a 48-hour heaven, literally. To wake up and see your sister across the room, to hear your parents laugh, to talk to them, to see their faces, to tease and to truly be me; the ugly, nerdy, silly side of me that are accepted without any faces pulled or remarks made. 

Relationships with loved ones aside, I get to build new ones with my students. They're very much like how my future children would be like and I feel like teaching is also some sort of training wheels for me on how to deal with kids (gasp). Some days I love them, some days I just want to step out of the class and not see them for the rest of the week. But again, God is Great. Last week for two days, I was majorly annoyed with most of my students that today, they seemed calmer and sincere in their learning. Alhamdulillah. I love them, that if I were to continue next semester, I wish I could teach them again but that isn't possible. I just pray that what I teach them is valuable enough to them that they will appreciate and remember it until they graduate and further into the working world. 

For now, I'm going to do my best and then let the rest be decided by Him. I just feel so blessed because I'm not wandering aimlessly. Instead, I'm here, doing what is right. 

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what next?

4:13 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

I find myself confessing classified things about myself; particularly my feelings in this blog and I'm unsure whether that's a good or a bad thing. But then again, feelings are chosen to be suppressed or expressed and in this case, I choose the latter so I guess I am going to write about it.


Yes, free nonsensical babbling of an introduction in the middle of the day.


By the by, I want to write about my students and my current job. Ah, what is new? I don't have anything else to write on anyway. Well, it is now 10 weeks along in the semester and my 8th week knowing and teaching them. So far, things have been a bit of both; tough yet fulfilling. But my limbs and brain are stretched to the end that the instant they pull something "funny", it can ruin my mood for the whole day. Students can definitely break me or make me. Like what Liyana says, "students ni lah penawar, students ni juga lah yang menyakitkan hati, buat kita sedih." It is so true. When you enter a class, the display of faces you see will determine how you will feel that particular time. I have a 3-hour class every Friday at 3 until 6 p.m with my Agrotech students and my inner motherly self will make an appearance because they have their own nursery, you see and in the wee hours of every Friday morning, they have to wake up and tend to their plants. So when I see them all tired and sleepy, I try to make it as easy-going as possible and cut short to only 2 and a half hours. 

Most of my Applied Science students on the other hand, are like energizer bunnies. They are a happy-go-lucky, the-sun-is-shining kind of bunch which delights me. They make my days and weeks bearable and I'm ever so grateful. One of them just got an offer to pursue medicine in Egypt. You should have seen me yesterday, I was beaming like mad. She was happy as well but tears welled up and ran down her cheeks  when she told me because she would miss her classmates a lot. I said to her go, just go because deep inside me, I know that what she shares with her friends here will not be easily broken by distance. 

I also teach pre-diploma students. Judging from their level, you may think their proficiency in English isn't that good and yes, I have no arguments about that. Nevertheless, to be honest, if I don't continue teaching here next semester, they are the ones I probably miss the most...

If I don't continue teaching here....then what is next for me? That question occupies my mind all the time now. Next semester is to start mid-Nov and I will only have a few weeks off to think this through. Sometimes I feel this job is the best, is so much fun, noble and provides me the reason of life itself. To educate and to shape young adults to become better, so what more could I possibly do or want? But then, some days turn bad and I feel like transferring to something totally new so that I won't have to deal with kids who are just starting to develop their personalities, thinking and whatnot while dragging me with them to ride their emotional roller-coaster that I've ridden years before. Then again, can you tell me which job doesn't have an "off" day? Every single one has right?

I'll think about it some more..




p.s: As of 4 p.m just now, the numbers in my account have multiplied from a three-digit amount to a four! I just received my pay whoohoo! My first pay!

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mi casa

3:34 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

Azie beat me to it when she posted an entry on family. I guess when we are away from our homes, our hearts definitely grow fonder and you'll count the days until you see them again. I miss a lot of things about my family, but most of all, I just miss them, their presence. Loyal readers might know that this is my first time living somewhere else other than my hometown, Shah Alam and so far, it's been hunky-dory. Or so I thought.

My mind and mood have been on a whirl of late and sadly, I cannot come up with a decent explanation why. PMS? Boring answer. Everyone goes through that every month, but this feeling of missing home is a lot deeper than bloated tummies and cranky heads. I don't feel like I belong in this town.

The people so far are okay, some creepy but that's a norm I guess. The food's nice, the students can drive me crazy or can be the source of my laughter/ happiness every time I see them and I've no problem at all with my workmates. It is just not Shah Alam...

But you know what? As I'm writing this, I think I finally figured out why I miss home. My Atuk has been sick since the last time I saw him and he's currently admitted in Subang. Okay now I know why. It sucks to have an unwell loved one and not being able to see them or touch them. I receive prompt news almost every few hours on his condition but it still doesn't comfort me enough. I've got to go home and see him.

And that's what I'll do this weekend. Ramadhan is just not the same without my family. I've never felt this way before, the feeling of wanting to get something so badly that I've become desperate.

I'm going to go home. I will go home. 



p.s: Salam Ramadhan everyone! Second day already today! x

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I thought

11:48 AM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

This was written last Friday.

Respect. A lot of people say it should be earned, not easily given. I agree.

But when it comes to cases like learning in class and listen to your teacher/ lecturer or even parents, you would just instantly, without thinking or analyze any aspect, respect. Other than the obvious reasons of them being older and are more experienced than you, students/ children should respect because they will earn "barakah" in their lessons and life. However, today I didn't get it. Respect that is.

I was a student before, and I've gone through probably the same stuff my students are going through now so I know all the "virus entered my pendrive and deleted all the files", "I forgot to make a copy of the slides in my pendrive", yadayada excuses. So you think you can kid me now? It's so blatant that sometimes they can leave my jaw hanging and they still wouldn't blink. 

I remembered how scared we were back then, if we got to class later than the lecturer and we were to present first that day. Like shit scared, pee in my pants kinda scared. Now, it is apparently the lecturer's job to turn on the computer, call the students countless times and then only they'd go to the front.

I'm not saying students should easily give respect even if their teachers/ lecturers treat them poorly. That's just wrong. However, people who know me would know that I hate confrontations, hate getting angry and tensed so from the get-go, I'd said to myself that I wouldn't give my students a hard time and make the lesson fun and easy going, because English is supposed to be so and if I were a student, I'd want my lecturer to do the same.

So at first I gave them the shrug, act like I didn't care. But then it got ugly and I felt like a total pushover, so my face became strained, then out went my potty mouth expressing the anger and annoyance I felt. Then I breezed out of class. Note breezed, not stormed.



First dramatic exit I have ever done so far. Hope there won't be any in the future.



p.s: My students are scared of me now. Good.

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kitkat

4:05 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

  1. I just ate two sticks of Kitkat Fit brought to the office. Thank God, or else I'd be so cranky (because of hunger), she'd be annoyed.
  2. Just sent Yana to the bus station. She's already in Seremban and on her way back to Nilai as I type. 
  3. Just brought Fit to the KP driving school. Registered and now roaring to start getting her license. 
  4. It's now the mid semester break so the campus is so quiet, except for the occasional phone rings, chattering, doors creaking. 
  5. I'll be going back to Shah Alam tomorrow. We PTFT lecturers only get about 7 days per semester, so we only applied for two days of holiday this time and the remaining days will be used during Raya break. How sad right.
  6. A lot of things are running through my head. Masters, my position here, jobs in other sectors; basically everything concerning my future. Why do I feel like everything is moving so fast that I could barely grip anything in sight?
  7. Masters in TESL or Masters in English Lit or Masters in Applied Linguistics? Each of the courses sounds so interesting and promising. 
  8. Next question, UIA or UPM? Yana and Fit are registering for the latter. 
  9. My BEL coordinator advised us to obtain our Masters at least in 3 years' time. I'll be 26 by then and at the time, I might want to think of settling down so gotta start now right? Right?
  10. Coursework or research?
  11. I haven't received my first pay. So many things on my to-buy list. Not good, not good. 
  12. I have been here a month. Set foot here on June 20th. Time really flies nowadays.
  13. I kinda miss my students. Okay fine, I miss them, no kinda.
  14. No no, I must not get attached. 
  15. Because I may not be a lecturer forever right?
  16. Maybe for another semester? Or maybe not. 
  17. That's another mind-boggling question I have.
  18. This job at first was only deemed to be temporary; I was merely testing the waters, but now it seems like it's connected to so many things that can possibly give me a promising future. Apply for Masters, become an expert in whatever it is I'll take, then become a full-time lecturer then get a rise in pay then I might get transferred to the Shah Alam campus which is so much nearer to my house. 
  19. All of that sound so good but is this really what I want? What about my dream to write articles? To travel? Should I do both? Or not?
  20. By now, you'd probably know how crazy my mind is.
  21. My housemates/ colleagues/ crazy friends seem to know what they want so easily and I'm still here hanging and wondering and deciding and praying.
  22. I have to see and ask people who have more knowledge in this. Maybe my beloved lecturers back in SA.
  23. Yep, maybe..
  24. Okay I'm out. Got to mark some essays. I've already written two "please see me after class" notes because of their "perfect" writing that doesn't even make sense. And Fit's watching MatLuthfi's videos. She's laughing her head off. I want to go join. Bye bye.

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an educator's words

1:31 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan




"Berbuih mulut aku mengajar, jangan sampai tak berkat kamu belajar."

- Jasmin Hassan (2011)



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over my head

1:15 AM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

When I was 22, I had the impression that when I turn 23, things will be majorly different; graduation, separation from course mates and stepping into the working world. Fast forward a year later, all of that happened alhamdulillah but it didn't occur to me that life was about to go into super speed mode. Now I have to readjust my thinking and plan things that I need to envision and materialize in 2, 3 years time. To be honest, I find it a tough thing to achieve because I've just started this new, inexperienced life and it's only a few weeks old. I am not ready. But then again, will we ever be?

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my "sakinah"

8:27 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

Menangis tadi ketika berdoa. "Terima kasih ya Allah kerana Engkau telah memberi ku peluang untuk berjumpa dengan keluargaku, walaupun sekejap. Dan aku bersyukur untuk masih memiliki keluarga yang sihat dan saling sayang-menyayangi." 

My heart is at ease when seeing them all perfect and well, without any reservations. They reaffirm my purpose of being here, teaching. To make them proud and to serve others. I can't wait to get my first pay, so I can spoil them rotten. Though not much, but the looks that will be displayed on their faces when experiencing it are surely to be priceless, and can possibly make me the happiest person alive. 

Alhamdulillah ya Allah.

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current theme song

3:47 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan


 :)))

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new deep

3:22 PM achoo-ed by Nashrah Khan

I miss eating chicken. I stopped eating it for a while now to mend my sinusitis. So for the time being and the future, no more KFC, Kenny Rogers, Nando's, Chicken Rice Shop, Nasi Ayam Gemas, etc. How sad. No, really, I get a bit upset when I pass one of the mentioned restaurants. Even more so here in Kuala Pilah, when the only fast food chain available is KFC.

I miss using regular handphones sometimes. Smart phones are proven to be very useful but they can also be quite the annoyance. Emails, twitter mentions, FB notifications, BBMs, but I kinda like it too. You're constantly connected with the virtual world. But everyone needs the occasional breather.

I miss home but not to the point of being sick. To be honest, I'm amazed at myself on how calm I've been this week. Only shed tears the minute my family left me here in Pilah and had about 30 minutes to do so when Yana and her family arrived. And from that moment on, I did not cry at all. (Yes, I'm only 2 hours away from SA but still...)

I miss UiTM's gym. Yep. Here in Negeri Sembilan campus, there isn't any; probably because it's still new. But the great thing is, next time when I do the have the chance to go to the one in SA, I won't be signing in as a student but as a staff member :)

Those are the things that I miss. Now for the things that I've discovered here,

You can hardly find restaurants that are opened here on Sundays. My theory is, people in Kuala Pilah prefer dining in and are very introverted. They're quite the homebodies.

Nasi Goreng Melang. Squid, prawn, chicken, veges all thrown together. Unfortunately, I can eat the one with only veges in it.

People here are friendly. The makcik at this one food stall we went to chatted with us all throughout our meal and gave tips on where to fix our sinusitis. UiTM staff, especially the BEL lecturers are so fun and helpful! They're like a family. The mak and pak guards in UiTM too! But maybe it's because I work there now and am not a student anymore. Friends, you won't believe your eyes when you see them actually SMILING with their teeth showing at you. I felt so special.

Kuala Pilah is small but I managed to get lost a few times around town this week.

Everyday, me and my friends/ housemates/ former coursemates/ colleagues would hunt for food and try out different restaurants/ stalls. It's fun. Now we know where are the cheap ones, the pricey ones and the good ones.

18 year-old Diploma students still act like they're in form 5 and I like it.

The day I receive my Staff card, that's when the students will stop thinking I'm one of them. For now, I just have to remain submissive.

I'll add more next weekend.

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