running with scissors

Just yesterday I went out wearing a cropped top (with something underneath of course but tucked in) and a maxi skirt. The shape of my rear was very visible for everyone to see, yet I'd placed people's views and perception way at the back of my mind. I know I am capable to think rationally yet my actions say otherwise. I was weak and absentmindedly succumbed to the world of fashion which had no one forcing me to dress a certain way. Oh dear God, please don't let me be stuck in reverse. I will try harder next time...

I love to recite the Quran. It used to be an "activity" I do to strengthen my faith, but now I'm in the process of making it my "hobby" and "habit". I do it daily now, every time after Maghrib prayers. Probably soon, I will try to read and understand what the verses mean rather than just reciting them. May He guide me to ensure I do not stop.

Fate. We think and hear it a lot, especially as you get older because when you're small, you don't think much of it. You just live and try to get by with homework and issues among friends and boys. When you've become an adult, the word seems so frequently used that it turns out to be a daily thought inside your head. Nowadays, the way I think tend to be influenced by the people surrounding me. One in particular is my friend, Liyana. From the beginning of our journey as lecturers until now, she has never belittle fate that is entrusted upon her. We had plans, ambitious at that, but along the way, some of that fell through that we just accept and try to pick up the pieces and construct something right with it. The thing that amazes me is that she truly, wholeheartedly accepts what God has planned for her, as He knows everything. And I'm glad I am in similar path. Her philosophical words and actions got me thinking how God has beautifully placed me here for a lot of reasons and every time I pray, I can never get to say thank You enough because I'm just that grateful.

When I'm here, I get to know who really cares and who doesn't; my condition, my belonging, my thoughts and feelings or just the sometimes mundane activities that I do that day. It never occurred to me that these people could be this caring and special. I know now and yes, it makes my day every day.

I also get to test what I have with him. Some of you may think being closer now eases things, but distance is more than meets the eye. Turns out that there are struggles involved after all, but I am ever so glad that we're strong and stable enough to iron the kinks out, even if it means trying out a few times. Maintaining  a relationship is never easy, but it can be sustained if you love enough, trust and pray. 

My love for my family is a whole other thing. I appreciate their presence so much more now, that going home on the weekend isn't just a 2-day stay. It is a 48-hour heaven, literally. To wake up and see your sister across the room, to hear your parents laugh, to talk to them, to see their faces, to tease and to truly be me; the ugly, nerdy, silly side of me that are accepted without any faces pulled or remarks made. 

Relationships with loved ones aside, I get to build new ones with my students. They're very much like how my future children would be like and I feel like teaching is also some sort of training wheels for me on how to deal with kids (gasp). Some days I love them, some days I just want to step out of the class and not see them for the rest of the week. But again, God is Great. Last week for two days, I was majorly annoyed with most of my students that today, they seemed calmer and sincere in their learning. Alhamdulillah. I love them, that if I were to continue next semester, I wish I could teach them again but that isn't possible. I just pray that what I teach them is valuable enough to them that they will appreciate and remember it until they graduate and further into the working world. 

For now, I'm going to do my best and then let the rest be decided by Him. I just feel so blessed because I'm not wandering aimlessly. Instead, I'm here, doing what is right. 

:'( ....

Okay I didn't mean to make you choke on your drink or widen your eyes in a sudden manner when you saw the word "tazkirah" there. But it would be funny if you did hahaha. Okay kidding. I'm such a bad joker. Moving on.

I've been meaning to write a post on this for a while now but of course, having AE and CALL did not allow me to do so. So now that I'm free a bit (oh didn't you hear? I've finished my only exam paper today and now am free from assignments and exams and such! I've said au revoir to undergraduate life!), I'd like to share with you knowledge that I've gained in a tazkirah held at my house about two weeks ago, conducted by Ustaz Razak who was my previous umrah guide. It's in BM and there was no topic specified so the Ustaz merely talked about things in general. My points are cluttered so I'll just write them one by one okay.

For example, if I say "Assalamualaikum", you should reply, "Waalaikumussalam warahmatullah."

Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah have related the prophet to saying:

"The one who wears a garment designed for a worldly fame, Allah will make them wear a garment of humility on the Day Of Resurrection then he will be set ablaze."

The garment of fame is any garment a person wears to make themselves look famous. This applies whether the garment is highly precious and shows admiration to the life of this world or it is chosen of a low quality to show lack of interest to this worldly life. The person may put on clothes with distinct colors so as to draw attention, act proudly and'or arrogantly.

Why She Won't Wear Hijab!

A discussion by A.Q Alidost

A conversation for Muslim Sisters:

"I'm so tired."

"Tired of what?"

"Of all these people judging me."

"Who judged you?"

"Like that woman, every time I sit with her, she tells me to wear hijab."

"Oh, hijab and music! The mother of all topics!"

"Yeah! I listen to music without hijab... haha!"

"Maybe she was just giving you advice."

"I don't need her advice. I know my religion. Can't she mind her own business?"

"Maybe you misunderstood. She was just being nice."

"Keeping out of my business, that would be nice..."

"But it's her duty to encourage you do to good."

"Trust me. That was no encouragement. And what do you mean 'good'?"

"Well, wearing hijab, that would be a good thing to do."

"Says who?"

"It's in the Quran, isn't it?"

"Yes. She did quote me something."

"She said Surah Nur, and other places of the Quran."

"Yes, but it's not a big sin anyway. Helping people and praying is more important."

"True. But big things start with small things."

"That's a good point, but what you wear is not important. What's important is to have a good healthy heart."

"What you wear is not important?"

"That's what I said."

"Then why do you spend an hour every morning fixing up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You spend money on cosmetics, not to mention all the time you spend on fixing your hair and low-carb dieting."

"So?"

"So, your appearance IS important."

"No. I said wearing hijab is not an important thing in religion."

"If it's not an important thing in religion, why is it mentioned in the Noble Quran?"

"You know I can't follow all that's in Quran."

"You mean God tells you something to do, you disobey and then it's OK?"

"Yes. God is forgiving."

"God is forgiving to those who repent and do not repeat their mistakes."

"Says who?"

"Says the same book that tells you to cover."

"But I don't like hijab, it limits my freedom."

"But the lotions, lipsticks, mascara and other cosmetics set you free?!

What's your definition of freedom anyway?"

"Freedom is in doing whatever you like to do."

"No. Freedom is in doing the right thing, not in doing whatever we wish to do."

"Look! I've seen so many people who don't wear hijab and are nice people, and so many who wear hijab and are bad people."

"So what? There are people who are nice to you but are alcoholic. Should we all be alcoholics? You made a stupid point."

"I don't want to be an extremist or a fanatic. I'm OK the way I am without hijab."

"Then you are a secular fanatic. An extremist in disobeying God."

"You don't get it, if I wear hijab, who would marry me?!"

"So all these people with hijab never get married?!"

"Okay! What if I get married and my husband doesn't like it? And wants me to remove it?"

"What if your husband wants you to go out with him on a bank robbery?!"

"That's irrelevant, bank robbery is a crime."

"Disobeying your Creator is not a crime?"

"But then who would hire me?"

"A company that respects people for who they are."

"Not after 9-11"

Yes. After 9-11. Don't you know about Hanan who just got into med school?

And the other one, what was her name, the girl who always wore a white hijab... ummm..."

"Yasmin?"

"Yes. Yasmin. She just finished her MBA and is now interning for GE."

"Why do you reduce religion to a piece of cloth anyway?"

"Why do you reduce womanhood to high heals and lipstick colors?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"In fact, I did. Hijab is not just a piece of cloth. It is obeying God in a difficult environment. It is courage, faith in action, and true womanhood.

But your short sleeves, tight pants..."

"That's called 'fashion', you live in a cave or something? First of all, hijab was founded by men who wanted to control women."

"Really? I did not know men could control women by hijab."

"Yes. That's what it is."

"What about the women who fight their husbands to wear hijab? And women in France who are forced to remove their hijab by men? What do you say about that?"

"Well, that's different."

"What difference? The woman who asked you to wear hijab... she was a woman, right?"

"Right, but..."

"But fashions that are designed and promoted by male-dominated corporations, set you free? Men have no control on exposing women and using them as a commodity?! Give me a break!"

"Wait, let me finish, I was saying..."

"Saying what? You think that men control women by hijab?"

"Yes."

"Specifically how?"

"By telling women how and what to wear, dummy!"

"Doesn't TV, magazines and movies tell you what to wear, and how to be 'attractive'?"

"Of course, it's fashion."

"Isn't that control? Pressuring you to wear what they want you to wear?"

[Silence]

"Not just controlling you, but also controlling the market."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you are told to look skinny and anorexic like that woman on the cover of the magazine, by men who design those magazines and sell those products."

"I don't get it. What does hijab have to do with products."

"It has everything to do with that. Don't you see? Hijab is a threat to consumerism, women who spend billions of dollars to look skinny and live by standards of fashion designed by men... and then here is Islam, saying trash all that nonsense and focus on your soul, not on your looks, and do not worry what men think of your looks."

"Like I don't have to buy hijab? Isn't hijab a product?"

"Yes, it is. It is a product that sets you free from male-dominated consumerism."

"Stop lecturing me! I WILL NOT WEAR HIJAB!

It is awkward, outdated, and totally not suitable for this society... Moreover, I am only 20 and too young to wear hijab!"

"Fine. Say that to your Lord, when you face Him on Judgment Day."

"Fine."

"Fine."

[Silence]

"Shut up and I don't want to hear more about hijab niqab schmijab Punjab!"

[Silence]

She stared at the mirror, tired of arguing with herself all this time.

Successful enough, she managed to shut the voices in her head, with her own opinions triumphant in victory on the matter, and a final modern decision accepted by the society - but rejected by the Faith:

"Yes!" - to curls on the hair - "No!" - to hijab!

"And he (/she) is indeed a failure who corrupts it [the soul]!" [Noble Quran 91:10]

Subhana'Allah!!!

"Nay! You prefer the life of this world; While the hereafter is better and more lasting." [Noble Quran 87:16-17]

"You are the best community (Ummah) raised up for (the benefit of) humanity; enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong and believing in Allah." [Noble Quran 3:110]

"Iman is like an airplane ride. The higher up you go, the smaller the things on Earth look."

- Imam Safi Khan

The first time I watched this video, I cried. I miss our Prophet so much. It's so remarkable really, to miss someone you have never met, only solely based on verses you read in the Quran; God's words. He's the most perfect being, and as much as I try to follow his ways, I find myself stumbling along the way. Different kinds of scenario and dilemma that we go through each day sometimes hinder the goodness in us to come through and let our bad side appear instead. We, as Muslims should always, always strive to possess his qualities. It may be quite a challenge for some of us, me definitely included, but the fact that we try to change ourselves for the better, that is what Allah loves to see and while we still have our lives, we must live to please Him. Things will get better from there, InsyaAllah. 

 

p.s: Thank you Maher Zain, for highlighting the beauty of our Prophet even more.

"Menutup aurat secara sempurna. It’s not easy. It’s a process. But for the love of Islam and Allah, let us improve ourselves both spiritually and physically. For those who are wearing the hijab, let’s do it right!

Oh by the way, WIR stands for Wear It Right. Hehe. So come on girls, let’s do this. Covering the chest is the best!"

 

She had this illustration done too,

Very, very conspicuous.

And something I'm slowly instilling in myself, and wardrobe. The downside is, most of my hijabs are quite short and do not cover the chest well. Nonetheless, I think I've found a solution. If my hijab for the day is short (I've mixed the long and short ones together, and syria hijabs are in pairs so I think you can imagine how disorganized it can be, thus finding the "perfect" one for class or going out is tedious at times), I will wear a cardigan or something to cover my "girls". Then, they won't be so noticeable. And I really thank God for giving me the size that they are (I have no intention whatsoever to insult big-chested girls; every size is lovely, really really) because well, nothing much is there.

I have a feeling that 2011 is a year of change. Definitely for the betterment of me.

She makes me want to purchase the exact same blazer!

My favourite out of all. She looks like a muslim Vampira!

This architecture lecturer is so undeniably beautiful! And her outfits are amazing. She had mentioned that she wasn't tall, but clearly she could pull off the maxi looks perfectly. Sigh, I could just gaze at these pictures all day long.. One of her statements on her FB is a reminder that hijabis are to cover their chest and not wear leggings. This hit me hard, because even though I don the hijab, it doesn't cover my chest that well and my favourite kind of bottom to wear is skinny jeans..

It's quite hard for me to switch hijabs because I'm so used to the syria kind. Not to mention it's so easy and convenient to wear when you're late for classes and such. I've worn selendang a couple of times before but those were during special occasions, times when I felt I need to dress up more. I find it so hard to maintain though, every five minutes or so, my hands will be adjusting it here and there and I envy girls (including my younger sister) who seem to wear it so easily and it won't move around. I've never told anyone this but aside from wanting to make money, one of the reasons I'm selling my used clothes online is because it's an opportunity for me to buy more modest clothes. I've outgrown lots of them (yeah, I had this thought that I will forever remain in this size) so it's high time for me to buy new clothes that are fashionable yet reasonable and close to my values and beliefs.

It's very challenging nowadays with various styles coming in and out and for a person like me who adores fashion, would want to have a taste of it even though not all of them are designed for muslimahs. However, a good example like Aishah Amin here makes it possible to look current and chic with the right amount of modesty. Thank you, I accept your challenge! 

One thing that I'm doing now is to ditch clothes with 3/4 sleeves and buy proper long-sleeved ones. So, look out for them to be posted on WJMJ! And wish me luck on this personal challenge of mine! :)