baby steps
Lane Kim
the drummer in Hep Alien in Gilmore Girls
my new inspiration :D
the drummer in Hep Alien in Gilmore Girls
my new inspiration :D
Is Gingham the Print of the Summer?
6 hours ago
hari yang penuh kesentapan
I don't normally use the word 'sentap'; only Herne uses it often, but today that was how I felt.
"Sentap eh?" - Gaya Herne
Because of the events that happened the previous day, I was still feeling pretty sad and very touchy. Woke up late and rushed to commercial music class, with eyebags and all. I didn't even had time to switch the channel of the radio which I usually spend 2-3 minutes on choosing a station or a cd to listen to just to get in the mood when going to class. If previously used by my mother, the radio will belt out nasyid songs and the shows handled by very soft spoken djs. IKIM.fm of course. I didn't mind listening to it sometimes; keeps me on track and works like a reminder. Then an old song by Raihan came out and I think the title was "Syukur". I listened to the lyrics and cried. Yes, tgh rushing cam gila, eyes all puffy, boleh nangis lagi untuk membengkakkan mata yang dah bengkak. Rindu sangat lyrics yang cantik, yang remind us to be grateful, and to remember Him. Lalai sungguh diri ni. Nangis lagi.
When I went back home, I ate while watching tv. On fridays selalu tengok Al-Hidayah. I like the host, she's so pretty and looks like an example of a good Muslimah. Anyway, I watched it for only a few minutes then it ended. You know how usually after a show ends, the theme song or the ending song will come out? The song that was played in the end was "Pergi Tak Kembali" by Rabbani. With a handful of rice ready to be put into my mouth, I stopped midway and cried. Again. Imagine crying while eating. I tried hard to stop sebab kesian kat makanan. That song can be considered to be the top in my "Lagu-lagu yang paling sentap" list.
Ustad Abdul Razak always played it in the bus during our ziarahs and it never failed to make me cry or remember my grandmother. Bila teringat Ustad, teringat umrah. Teringat Madinah Al-Munawwarah and Makkah Al-Mukorramah. Teringat Baitullah. Ya Allah, sedih sangat. Rindu sangat. This feeling of missing was like no other. Not like missing your family, your friends, your boyfriend/girlfriend, even your deceased grandmother. It was much stronger and of course, Allah saja yang tahu how I felt.
I guess there are a lot of reasons why I felt today is hari yang penuh kesentapan. I can't really describe it but it's like you're carrying a really heavy burden on your shoulders. I miss Makkah, I miss praying in front of Baitullah, I miss my grandmother who had passed away a hundred days today, I miss the feeling of peacefulness that I felt when I was there. I hate it here. I'm weak, I forget, I break promises. I feel empty and lost somehow during these past couple of weeks. Jadi lalai, alpa. Kenapa? :(
Ya Allah, I love You. Thank You for reminding me of my selfish, forgetful ways. I'll be the best that I can be, for everyone and especially for You. Please guide me throughout everything, for You are the only one who has the power to do so.
oh I'd like to put up the lyrics of Pergi Tak Kembali. You know me. Tak sah kalau takde lyrics hehe. Can also be a reminder for you guys too, to always remember death and whatever we do, we go back to Him in the end. And because I love you guys too much to not let you forget. :)
Setiap insan pasti merasa
Saat perpisahan terakhir
Dunia yang fana akan ditinggalkan
Hanya amalan yang dibawa
Terdengar sayup surah dibaca
Sayunya alunan suara
Cemas di dada...lemah tak bermaya
Terbuka hijab di depan mata
Selamat tinggal pada semua
Berpisahlah kita selamanya
Kita tak sama nasib di sana
Baikkah atau sebaliknya
Amalan dan takwa jadi bekalan
Sejahtera bahagia pulang...ke sana
Sekujur badan berselimut putih
Rebah bersemadi sendiri
Mengharap kasih anak dan isteri
Apa mungkin pahala dikirim
Terbaring sempit seluas pusara
Soal-bicara terus bermula
Sesal dan insaf tak berguna lagi
Hancurlah jasad dimamah bumi
Berpisah sudah segalanya
Yang tinggal hanyalah kenangan
Diiring doa dan air mata
Yang pergi takkan kembali lagi
Al-Fatihah buat Allahyarhamah Aishah bt Abu Hasan dan arwah-arwah yang telah pergi.
Semoga mereka dicucuri rahmatMu.
"Sentap eh?" - Gaya Herne
Because of the events that happened the previous day, I was still feeling pretty sad and very touchy. Woke up late and rushed to commercial music class, with eyebags and all. I didn't even had time to switch the channel of the radio which I usually spend 2-3 minutes on choosing a station or a cd to listen to just to get in the mood when going to class. If previously used by my mother, the radio will belt out nasyid songs and the shows handled by very soft spoken djs. IKIM.fm of course. I didn't mind listening to it sometimes; keeps me on track and works like a reminder. Then an old song by Raihan came out and I think the title was "Syukur". I listened to the lyrics and cried. Yes, tgh rushing cam gila, eyes all puffy, boleh nangis lagi untuk membengkakkan mata yang dah bengkak. Rindu sangat lyrics yang cantik, yang remind us to be grateful, and to remember Him. Lalai sungguh diri ni. Nangis lagi.
When I went back home, I ate while watching tv. On fridays selalu tengok Al-Hidayah. I like the host, she's so pretty and looks like an example of a good Muslimah. Anyway, I watched it for only a few minutes then it ended. You know how usually after a show ends, the theme song or the ending song will come out? The song that was played in the end was "Pergi Tak Kembali" by Rabbani. With a handful of rice ready to be put into my mouth, I stopped midway and cried. Again. Imagine crying while eating. I tried hard to stop sebab kesian kat makanan. That song can be considered to be the top in my "Lagu-lagu yang paling sentap" list.
Ustad Abdul Razak always played it in the bus during our ziarahs and it never failed to make me cry or remember my grandmother. Bila teringat Ustad, teringat umrah. Teringat Madinah Al-Munawwarah and Makkah Al-Mukorramah. Teringat Baitullah. Ya Allah, sedih sangat. Rindu sangat. This feeling of missing was like no other. Not like missing your family, your friends, your boyfriend/girlfriend, even your deceased grandmother. It was much stronger and of course, Allah saja yang tahu how I felt.
I guess there are a lot of reasons why I felt today is hari yang penuh kesentapan. I can't really describe it but it's like you're carrying a really heavy burden on your shoulders. I miss Makkah, I miss praying in front of Baitullah, I miss my grandmother who had passed away a hundred days today, I miss the feeling of peacefulness that I felt when I was there. I hate it here. I'm weak, I forget, I break promises. I feel empty and lost somehow during these past couple of weeks. Jadi lalai, alpa. Kenapa? :(
Ya Allah, I love You. Thank You for reminding me of my selfish, forgetful ways. I'll be the best that I can be, for everyone and especially for You. Please guide me throughout everything, for You are the only one who has the power to do so.
oh I'd like to put up the lyrics of Pergi Tak Kembali. You know me. Tak sah kalau takde lyrics hehe. Can also be a reminder for you guys too, to always remember death and whatever we do, we go back to Him in the end. And because I love you guys too much to not let you forget. :)
Setiap insan pasti merasa
Saat perpisahan terakhir
Dunia yang fana akan ditinggalkan
Hanya amalan yang dibawa
Terdengar sayup surah dibaca
Sayunya alunan suara
Cemas di dada...lemah tak bermaya
Terbuka hijab di depan mata
Selamat tinggal pada semua
Berpisahlah kita selamanya
Kita tak sama nasib di sana
Baikkah atau sebaliknya
Amalan dan takwa jadi bekalan
Sejahtera bahagia pulang...ke sana
Sekujur badan berselimut putih
Rebah bersemadi sendiri
Mengharap kasih anak dan isteri
Apa mungkin pahala dikirim
Terbaring sempit seluas pusara
Soal-bicara terus bermula
Sesal dan insaf tak berguna lagi
Hancurlah jasad dimamah bumi
Berpisah sudah segalanya
Yang tinggal hanyalah kenangan
Diiring doa dan air mata
Yang pergi takkan kembali lagi
Al-Fatihah buat Allahyarhamah Aishah bt Abu Hasan dan arwah-arwah yang telah pergi.
Semoga mereka dicucuri rahmatMu.
"Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense,
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god
Oh, you stood by me"
-Gavin DeGraw, "Belief"
not another vampire
I was reading the papers today and I flipped to the page where they list all the tv programmes for the day and searched for my usual 11 o' clock show on tv2 hoping they would write what's tonight's episode is about when I stopped and reread it a few times. Oh man, Dresden Files' last episode must have been last week cause a whole new show was written there. Blood Ties. It sounded familiar and interesting so I thought I might give it a go. Well I don't know if I'm glad or not but yes, it revolves around a private investigator, an old vampire who doesn't look very old, and the police department. Just what I needed. Another new addiction for me. Thanks tv2, thanks a lot.
p.s: you gotta see the vampire. I know the first episode was just aired, but I think he can be equally the man (or in this case, the vampire) as Edward "all-girls-are-crazy-about" Cullen. I'm actually pretending to not care about the fact that I'm ecstatic over the show and having it now is kinda like making up for not having the chance to watch Moonlight. I hope I'm making some sense here. Henry Fitzroy, I'll be waiting for you next week.
here ye here ye
Me and my sister are currently working on a little project. Not too fancy, not too shabby either. Nothing really. Just thinking of selling our old, some never-been-worn clothes online. And yes, I think you've already heard and see people do that a million times. Well why are we doing this? Here are the reasons. Ehem (clearing throat.)
This is just a start. Hopefully it will be ok. Naziha and Nashrah can be pretty lazy sometimes.
- We want to earn our own money.
- We've just realized that we've grown bigger and we don't fit some clothes anymore. Selama ni perasan boleh muat lagi.
- Money.
- Some were purchased online and when we received them, some of the clothes weren't what we expected. For example, I ordered this pair of blue skinny jeans once and thinking that my butt, thighs and everything else could fit into the size I usually wear, guess what happened? The world still thinks that thin is the way to go. I was not in denial or anything tau. So I sold it to my younger sister's friend who could pass off as Nicole Richie. Or anyone who's skinny and cantik nowadays. Oh and some were see-through too. So some are brand new.
- It's kinda fun selling and promoting your clothes to others. Ok I lied. It is so fun I feel like doing it everyday. My first time was just now, at Nadia's house, with piles of clothes and tudungs, hands everywhere, trying on clothes. The girls' coy ways of trying to lower the prices my sister had set. Siap keluar sistem barter lagi. The excitement was like no other.
- I want to sell clothes to buy more clothes. Boleh gelak tengok my closet dengan baju kuno zaman bile ntah.
- Wearing the same clothes every week makes me sad.
- Boleh buat kerja amal. Maybe some of them will be donated to the needy.
- I just want money dammit!
This is just a start. Hopefully it will be ok. Naziha and Nashrah can be pretty lazy sometimes.
the oscars
Because of lovely tests and presentations' sake, I didn't get to watch this prestigious award ceremony so I just managed to get the scoop from the newspapers and Moja and Aimi's blogs. All awards were sort of expected and they deserved it all right (though I haven't watched Slumdog Millionaire even though Mary had given the movie to me weeks ago. Again because of endless dates with Mr. Assignment. Could've loved to watch Milk too, but according to Mary's vivid recall of Sean Penn and James Franco's love scenes, I'll pass. Yes I know the movie isn't about that, but I just can't. Seeing my James with another man; oh that's the worst. Ok I think this bracket is long enough as it is). But nothing; even Kate Winslet's triumph after five losses, Slumdog Millionaire practically sweeps the entire gold statues, Sean Penn winning best actor, nothing I tell you, made me drop my jaw so low I could swallow elephants whole like this one.
(cue "Aaahhh" music)
Oh. My.
She was so beautiful fullstop
It's like the dress wore her, not the other way around.
It's like... magic. They fit just right.
The porcelain skin-with-stained lips makeup, the minimal accessories, the hair, her demure stature..
She was so beautiful fullstop
It's like the dress wore her, not the other way around.
It's like... magic. They fit just right.
The porcelain skin-with-stained lips makeup, the minimal accessories, the hair, her demure stature..
She didn't win an award but she sure did in the fashion and beauty department. Love it!
p.s: sorry if you had expected a full coverage on The Oscars from the title of this post. only this caught my attention!
loony
I want to be happy!
I want to be happy!
I want to be HAPPY!
Oh Allah please let me be happy!
and please eyes, don't fail me tonight. you gotta open those peepers for me to read PTE until I can become Dr Chan's apprentice or something. Must be an expert of Principles of Testing and Evaluation by tomorrow! I must I must I must! or else.
If I have to drown in caffeine tonight, I won't care. Just as long as I can sit through that one hour paper tomorrow with a smile on my face and a hand that writes ever so easily cause I have understood and memorized everything!
Must be positive must be optimistic!
Must be positive must be optimistic!
Must be, ok lah cukup lah tu.
green with envy
O my god! Go read the blog Swimming Words in Blogs I like on your right hand side of Yadayadayada. you'll sigh in happiness for her! Like what I'm doing now. sigh. sigh sigh sigh...
"I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me."
-Aqualung, "Strange & Beautiful"
let me be empty.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
I miss you so. Stay with me please, even in my dreams.
as weird as it is,
..being surrounded by God-sent family and friends, I'm not happy. And I don't know why.
Try to imagine my words being spoken by Mr Kieran. Why I ask you to do this is because he talks with his heart and not his head.
Have you ever felt low, the lowest of lows, the feeling of unworthiness, the feeling of being scared to be happy that you reject any kind of it from you? Have you ever felt that you are not worth living, that even if you die, people won't care? The feeling of wanting to hurt yourself because you feel you need to be punished for all the wrong things you've done? You don't even love yourself. And you go on everyday pretending that you're ok and forcefully plaster a smile on your face when you don't feel like doing so just to please others and to not make them worry?
Is this too heavy for you?
Are you squirming in your seat cause you never imagined yourself to feel this way?
If not, then can you please give me your words of wisdom to make someone feel ok?
You might just save her.
Thanks.
Try to imagine my words being spoken by Mr Kieran. Why I ask you to do this is because he talks with his heart and not his head.
Have you ever felt low, the lowest of lows, the feeling of unworthiness, the feeling of being scared to be happy that you reject any kind of it from you? Have you ever felt that you are not worth living, that even if you die, people won't care? The feeling of wanting to hurt yourself because you feel you need to be punished for all the wrong things you've done? You don't even love yourself. And you go on everyday pretending that you're ok and forcefully plaster a smile on your face when you don't feel like doing so just to please others and to not make them worry?
Is this too heavy for you?
Are you squirming in your seat cause you never imagined yourself to feel this way?
If not, then can you please give me your words of wisdom to make someone feel ok?
You might just save her.
Thanks.
i'm a godmother!
Did I tell you my Ms Brownie aka Ms B now Mdm B gave birth to three cute baby guinea pigs a couple of weeks ago? I'm a proud godmother I tell ya. And yes, I self-elected myself.
We haven't actually named them yet so I created some names myself. Ok the one behind mummy's butt is Brownie Junior cause he follows the mum, the middle one is Frannie (Frappy+Brownie) Junior and at the back is Frappy Junior cause the colour on its body is just like its dad.
cute kan cute kan cute kan? geram mcm nak makan sekor2.
i wasn't kidding about the shoes
my feet needs pampering after walking around in old, worn-out shoes. I wish I could afford all of these. then my life would be completee.
oxford slingbacks from Nine West. always wanted a pair of oxfords but never did buy them.
cute mary janes. it looks very prim and proper kan?
red ballet flats. never had any red footwear before. a first would be nice :)
gladiator sandals. man, I would kill for a pair of these. but I wouldn't know where to wear it and if I can wear it all. 2,3 inches is all that I can manage.
another pair of Vans. cute and comfy :)
plain old Converse sneakers. the most reliable!
yellow mary janes. I almost bought a pair of blue ones at Tubshub in Makkah (Topshop actually. But the Arabs spelt it that way. if you know jawi then you know what I'm talking about hehe) but didn't. it was on sale. TubShub kat Malaysia would never have a sale like that. skrg menyesal. pdn muka.
ballet platforms. adorable kan kan?
Totally cute Keds. Unfortunately in Malaysia there aren't many choices. And it's kinda pricey. tp still cute. ok tambah lagi satu azam baru. kumpul duit beli kasut.
it's written in the stars
even when drinking coffee, he still manages to give a stare that sends my heart through the roof. when a guy has this much power on you, you have to find a way to make it stop cause it's lethal. yep.
p.s: on the way to Madinah, the plane showed a movie called "Nights in Rodanthe" and it had James Franco in it! even though he was just Richard Gere's son and his appearances were not many, I didn't care one bit. Oh, and the magazine in the plane had James Franco's Gucci ad as the back cover. And and I watched the ad on tv in Makkah. is it fate or what??
it's ok to dream big.
hahahahahaha.
p.p.s: don't worry, I still have my feet on the ground. i checked.
this is my confession
and
"Amazing" is written twice there so don't ever change who you are. Makes everything more interesting. :)p.s: haih suka lah bila tulis post to someone anonymously ni.
scared, terrified, afraid.
You know what? I'm feeling pretty numb right now. floating aimlessly in a cloud of numbness. It's been days. I thought I could run away from writing on how I feel but me being me, I can't. But if you noticed, I actually didn't write anything. I posted a quote, a picture, and paraphrased lyrics. So I kinda kept my word hehe. People can read what I write. They know what's going on in my life, directly or indirectly. So it can be a little scary. Some bloggers choose to write about general stuff; like events or happenings around the world, politics, fashion. Some treat it like a diary; writing every bit of detail on what is going on in their lives. Me? I'm somewhere in between.
What was I saying about being numb? Oh yes. Yell at me, and I won't blink. Talk bad about me, and I won't get mad. Live amazing lives and I won't get jealous. Sometimes you have to wave your hand a few times in front of me then I'll notice. I'm feeling pretty mellow. Or maybe I'm just lost in translation.
Been constantly playing "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" in the car to and from classes. Well, that's the only place I go where I drive myself. Having your own alone time is good. Have the chance to think about things, reflect and think again. Too much alone time is bad though. Too depressing I might say. You need people, whether you like it or not. A companion. To get you talking and laughing, to eat together, to care, to love. Yeah it's nice. But driving alone listening to that song? Beyond devastation. People who listen to John Mayer and understand the lyrics know how I feel. Except the part where the room is already burnt down to the ground.
Well, I got my heart broken not too long ago. Just once. It was bruised for a long time so after a lot of heavy hits, it broke. I'm not going to let it happen twice. Nope, not this time. I'm being cautious now. It's too dangerous to put yourself, your heart out there being taken care of by a person you might not really know. It's funny cause I always thought that falling in love is beautiful. It's like you have a piece of heaven with you. Now, it's the most scariest thing for a person to do. There's a big chance you can get hurt and the cure is only time and your own motivation to overcome it. Probably a pint of Jamoca Almond Fudge and boxes of chocolate might do the trick but you'll be crying later when seeing your weight on the scale. So yeah, you're the only one who can make yourself happy again.
I had a 'deep-and-light' conversation with my sister the other day over guys. 'Deep' as in the heavy subject matter, 'light' as in the way we talked. Malu nak nangis kat kakak so cakap pun cam biasa-biasa je.hehe. Well, it turns out we chose the wrong ones. Guys that is. Apalah nasib kita kan Kak No? It's alright, Allah nak bagi kita ujian. That means He loves us to the point that He wants to test our iman and strength to cope and overcome this. In a way, we must not be lembik. Love ourselves first than others. Listen to what we want, not them. They don't determine who we are, we do. Men, you can live with them and you can live without them.
To tell you the truth,... I don't think I can trust guys easily ever ever again.
Been constantly playing "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" in the car to and from classes. Well, that's the only place I go where I drive myself. Having your own alone time is good. Have the chance to think about things, reflect and think again. Too much alone time is bad though. Too depressing I might say. You need people, whether you like it or not. A companion. To get you talking and laughing, to eat together, to care, to love. Yeah it's nice. But driving alone listening to that song? Beyond devastation. People who listen to John Mayer and understand the lyrics know how I feel. Except the part where the room is already burnt down to the ground.
Well, I got my heart broken not too long ago. Just once. It was bruised for a long time so after a lot of heavy hits, it broke. I'm not going to let it happen twice. Nope, not this time. I'm being cautious now. It's too dangerous to put yourself, your heart out there being taken care of by a person you might not really know. It's funny cause I always thought that falling in love is beautiful. It's like you have a piece of heaven with you. Now, it's the most scariest thing for a person to do. There's a big chance you can get hurt and the cure is only time and your own motivation to overcome it. Probably a pint of Jamoca Almond Fudge and boxes of chocolate might do the trick but you'll be crying later when seeing your weight on the scale. So yeah, you're the only one who can make yourself happy again.
I had a 'deep-and-light' conversation with my sister the other day over guys. 'Deep' as in the heavy subject matter, 'light' as in the way we talked. Malu nak nangis kat kakak so cakap pun cam biasa-biasa je.hehe. Well, it turns out we chose the wrong ones. Guys that is. Apalah nasib kita kan Kak No? It's alright, Allah nak bagi kita ujian. That means He loves us to the point that He wants to test our iman and strength to cope and overcome this. In a way, we must not be lembik. Love ourselves first than others. Listen to what we want, not them. They don't determine who we are, we do. Men, you can live with them and you can live without them.
To tell you the truth,... I don't think I can trust guys easily ever ever again.
watashi no kutsu wa totemo furui desu!
I want new shoes. Mine are all ripped around the seams and they just don't suit me. A pair of new shoes will take me wondering through streets and everything will be right and I could bye bye them blues.
(Paolo Nutini, 2006)
true
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
-Kahlil Gibran
how can you mend?
I want to go back to Makkah!
I don't want to stay here!
I want to go back, I want to go back! :'(
last goodbye?
I've been patient a thousand times and gave ultimatums like they were "I love yous". I've loved you like I never loved anyone before. I gave you everything you wanted, everything you needed just to see even a tiny smile on your face. Despite all that, we fought just the same. Sometimes love is just not enough to hold us both. I've served my time and I'm tired. My tears would be buckets full if I ever kept them all this while. What we have, it's too dysfunctional, too destructive that it scares me. This might just be our last goodbye. Yeah you can say that I'll be fine, that I'm gonna move on easily, that I'm better off. Well you're wrong. This little heart of mine is cracked all over, waiting only to be mended by me and no one else. I was hoping you would do it for me, but it's just impossible. It's time to be independent this time, to make my own music, to strike my own chords. I'm not sure I'm strong enough but hey, I've endured the pain all this while so I guess I might be able to handle this one too. This really hurts, I'm not lying. It really, really hurts. Don't believe me? Open my chest and take a look inside. Not easy to do? Another option is to listen to what I have to say and have said. Have you paid attention? To any of my pleas, to any of my cries? Ah, goodbyes. Never thought I would go through this again. Welcome to Nashrah's pathetic love life. Whoops, that's all the time we have folks. It has ended.
vroom vroom.
Remember early in the birth of this blog (cehh), I've written something about wanting to compose a poem with 'dirty' connotations? Well I tried, and every adjective I've thought of using makes me istighfar every time. I just can't do it people! So I'm just going to give you guys a little teaser. A very sucky, run-of-the-mill kinda teaser so it isn't anything big. That's all you're gonna get from me. hahahaha.
I see you from afar, you struck me like lightning.
I can't help myself but to be mesmerized by this beautiful thing.
Who made you? Who thought of you?
I hope nobody's touched you yet, cause I'd like to be the first to lay my hands on you.
Yes I'm crazy, I'm out of my mind
Imagining things I shouldn't have
All day and all night
What am I to do?
I'm up in cloud nine.
The way you rev up, the way you move,
Moves me too, in ways I never thought I could.
Still remember the day we first met,
Oh I felt the tingle, the shizzle, the electric shivers across my skin.
You didn't have to do anything,
You are already amazing.
Even bathing under the sun and rain,
It doesn't take a genius;
To measure your hotness.
Even burned under the hot, scorching sun,
Or furiously wet in the rain and bubbles of CarKit soap,
You'll always jazz up any guy or girl who owns you.
My Jazzy, I love you.
hehehehe. yes, it's about my car.
I see you from afar, you struck me like lightning.
I can't help myself but to be mesmerized by this beautiful thing.
Who made you? Who thought of you?
I hope nobody's touched you yet, cause I'd like to be the first to lay my hands on you.
Yes I'm crazy, I'm out of my mind
Imagining things I shouldn't have
All day and all night
What am I to do?
I'm up in cloud nine.
The way you rev up, the way you move,
Moves me too, in ways I never thought I could.
Still remember the day we first met,
Oh I felt the tingle, the shizzle, the electric shivers across my skin.
You didn't have to do anything,
You are already amazing.
Even bathing under the sun and rain,
It doesn't take a genius;
To measure your hotness.
Even burned under the hot, scorching sun,
Or furiously wet in the rain and bubbles of CarKit soap,
You'll always jazz up any guy or girl who owns you.
My Jazzy, I love you.
hehehehe. yes, it's about my car.
i hope you hear me here wherever you are
I miss you more today. It's crazy to think you're gone. Everything seems almost normal when it actually isn't. I don't cry so much anymore; only when I'm truly sad and feel lost and all I could think about was you. Keep calling out your name sometimes. In silence, out loud, in my prayers, in any way I like. Mostly uttered out of sadness. But it will turn to a feeling of hopelessness so I thought I might just as well stop. Makes me more depressed. Oh did I tell you despite loving literature, it irks me to read poems on grandmothers? Not because I hate it, it just reminds me of you. That makes me sad. But it's ok, at least I'm learning. Atuk's not feeling so well. Been coughing a few days now. I remembered your cough. Yes, as weird as it sounds ,I do. Because it happened a few weeks before I stopped hearing your voice. I'll try to remember more lovable things about you other than your cough. If you were here, a soft punch would have landed on my nose hehe. But then I wouldn't care. You can punch me all you want, as long as I can still feel your touch. But it's ok too. Allah loves you more than I do. I love you Nek. Rest well. Al-Fatihah.
too young to hold on, too old to break free and run
She woke up in the morning
wondering where she was
it seemed a little different somehow
yet still the same
coffee's on the counter
piles of clothes on the floor
looking around half awake
the empty space beside her
oh yes, he isn't here anymore
It happened on a Saturday
she was sure what to do
tears kept falling on her cheeks
walking back and forth across the room
looking at him peacefully deep in slumber
she whispered "it's now or never"
c/o
My darling, sleep well tonight
Dream of me tonight
for you will never see me again
my heart isn't here with you
it's somewhere unsure
I need to find it, need to claim it, need to have it
And for that I have to leave
I still tremble a little
Still shake a little
As if you're still here with me
Your finger on my cheek
Your breath on my neck
Tricks that make me weak are all in the past now
A past I once knew and loved
Now I can't even recall
Our future plans and all
c/o
Bridge
Two roads were formed
You were the latter but I chose the former
As much as I love what we had
I can't live in fairytales forever
There are no horse carriages or fairy godmothers
Only reality and the ideas of fantasies
i think i may have a never-ending stomach
Lunch today,
What I had in my plate: rice (about 3/4 of the plate), chicken, meat, fish, spinach. Yeah, pretty much everything on the table.
Then I saw Kluang Station's french toast and ate that too. With some chicken fritters.
Grapes. A couple of them.
Yeah I was well aware I was eating non-stop but nobody noticed. Or so I thought.
"Eh, makan roti pulak? Lapor budak ni. Sian dier."
:O:O
terkujat diri ku di situ.
"MANE ADE" alaa papa niii...
That did it. I stopped.
Reminder to self: Must control, must control, must control !
What I had in my plate: rice (about 3/4 of the plate), chicken, meat, fish, spinach. Yeah, pretty much everything on the table.
Then I saw Kluang Station's french toast and ate that too. With some chicken fritters.
Grapes. A couple of them.
Yeah I was well aware I was eating non-stop but nobody noticed. Or so I thought.
"Eh, makan roti pulak? Lapor budak ni. Sian dier."
:O:O
terkujat diri ku di situ.
"MANE ADE" alaa papa niii...
That did it. I stopped.
Reminder to self: Must control, must control, must control !
because i couldn't find my muet result
I don't think I can ever, ever fall again after this. What kind of fall you ask? Well, there's the literal meaning and the figurative. Yes I can be quite of a klutz sometimes, or a more familiar term, frappy, but unless I'm Bella Swan, then no, not literally. Fall in love that is. Once you fall and you open up everything; your self, your emotions, your thoughts, your likes and dislikes, you become vulnerable. And because you put your whole trust in that person, you start to feel comfortable. Too comfortable. Nothing he or she does can ever be wrong in your eyes. Always sweet, always pure, always nice, always right. Hence the saying, love is blind. Oh yes, it really is. Now here comes the gritting part. The love goes astray. The fire isn't there anymore. You know him too well, he knows you too well, there's no excitement, no passion. You get tired of each other's ramblings, attitudes, maybe taking him or her for granted as well because you think your love is strong enough to hold you both together so you don't work at it. What happens if it isn't? Will you part, or will you fix? Fix the relationship or fix you? Surely you have accepted each other fully, all of him and all of her right from the beginning. So how can you fix someone? It's not written but we all know that accepting someone for who they are is 'stated' in the rules of love. So you don't fix him or her. Fix the relationship is the next step to mend the rift. You try again and again, up to the point that you force yourself to love. When you find yourself in that position, well it is obvious now isn't it? There's no love anymore. It died down. After one goes kaput, can you see yourself in another mind-blowing romance? Are you willing to open up that far again? Yeah of course, with the right person. I'm still optimistic despite being scared of the vulnerability part. I've been there before. It's not nice, not nice at all. Although it is the greatest feeling in the world, I find it to be a scary thing. Odd, very odd.
"Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide"
-Howie Day, "Collide"
try a little imagination
Imagine you're on cool, white tiles with black and white figures around you, all have their heads bowed and on the floor, hands praying, eyes shedding tears. Containers of zam-zam lined up in multiple lines, murmurs of Arabic phrases you can't seem to catch except for "Assalamualaikum, Ahlan Wasahlan, Kholas, etc" and try to have this mental picture in your head while you pray. Your solat might just be a wee bit more khusyuk, insyaallah :)
let me make you happy
She sat alone, watching others around her. Her eyes bored into them, inside secretly hoping they would look at her, for her. But they didn't. They chatted amongst themselves, happily, ecstatically. She felt neglected, not special, forgotten. She wished she was together in that little circle, to smile, to share the inside jokes, to fit in. But it seems too far fetched to be true. Particularly that one person she wishes she can smile to and laugh with. A tiny feeling of envy crept inside her.
Is there something wrong with me? Am I not interesting enough?
Suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks. It wasn't because she wanted to fit in. It wasn't because she felt lonely. She just wanted to be the one who can make that person laugh. She wanted to be that person's sunshine. To be the one. Who can make him happy even just for a second. A second equals a whole lifetime to match the affections she had for him. Anything will do; just for a sweet, sweet smile. And that would be enough.
Is there something wrong with me? Am I not interesting enough?
Suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks. It wasn't because she wanted to fit in. It wasn't because she felt lonely. She just wanted to be the one who can make that person laugh. She wanted to be that person's sunshine. To be the one. Who can make him happy even just for a second. A second equals a whole lifetime to match the affections she had for him. Anything will do; just for a sweet, sweet smile. And that would be enough.
just a little something
"Jangan membangga diri apabila orang memuji mu, sesungguhnya Allah masih menutup keaiban mu."
-Ustaz Abdul Razak Halifah Ali
Salam guys. Yes I am back from 12 days of heaven on earth. I wasn't keen on leaving but nevertheless, Alhamdulillah :) My head is still a bit tepu with all the ziarahs and sceneries and images of Baitullah in my head so I don't think I can write very well. Honestly, I'm sad. Really really sad. It's not easy to leave something that sacred and peaceful and go back to where you came from. Each step I took, each scent I smelled, each thing I touched, I would try to remember until I return to Malaysia. But now I can't even remember the smell of Masjidil Haram. It's distinctive and supposed to be memorable. Oh well, maybe I should just sniff some minyak atar on my atuk.
In short, I got to touch Kaabah, I got to kiss Hajarul Aswad and I got to pray at Hijr Ismail. I got to know where Rasulullah SAW would lean on while Bilal bin Rabah called for prayer with Mikael and Jibril beside him, I got to know which door Rasulullah SAW would enter when he prays at Masjidil Haram, and I got to pray at the very spot Rasulullah SAW went up to heavens during Israk Mikraj. I consider myself very, very, very lucky. And it was all thanks to the mutawwif who guided us there and who also said that sentence up there. I miss him too already. He made me cry. Not out of physical or verbal violence or anything like that, but because he made me love Rasulullah SAW and Allah SWT more. He reminded us to think of death, of our mothers, of what Allah SWT has done for us.
Now tell me, how can you ever want to go back home?
p.s: I will update properly later. Reality check: Class at 1030 hours tomorrow. Can I not come and say I have jetlag and might sleep in class and I'm doing the lecturer a favour? sigh.
In short, I got to touch Kaabah, I got to kiss Hajarul Aswad and I got to pray at Hijr Ismail. I got to know where Rasulullah SAW would lean on while Bilal bin Rabah called for prayer with Mikael and Jibril beside him, I got to know which door Rasulullah SAW would enter when he prays at Masjidil Haram, and I got to pray at the very spot Rasulullah SAW went up to heavens during Israk Mikraj. I consider myself very, very, very lucky. And it was all thanks to the mutawwif who guided us there and who also said that sentence up there. I miss him too already. He made me cry. Not out of physical or verbal violence or anything like that, but because he made me love Rasulullah SAW and Allah SWT more. He reminded us to think of death, of our mothers, of what Allah SWT has done for us.
Now tell me, how can you ever want to go back home?
p.s: I will update properly later. Reality check: Class at 1030 hours tomorrow. Can I not come and say I have jetlag and might sleep in class and I'm doing the lecturer a favour? sigh.
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