running with scissors

I try my best most of the time to not depend emotionally on anyone, because I believe that whatever we do, we will be alone in the end, and when you're alone, logically you only have you and no one else. So better start prepping yourself now right? Regardless of my family, my friends and Amer, I really don't. You want to know why?

Because I'm afraid of being disappointed. A person may or may not know that they have done something to you, so rather than making them bear the feeling of guilt, it is better for me to adjust my thoughts and feelings first. I am not saying that my family and friends aren't wonderful; they are and they can never be replaced but they are not perfect. They are normal human beings. They could tease you, hurt you, ignore you, forget you and I don't think my little beat up heart can take all of that. Probably some of you may not agree with me, but I do know what I'm talking about. 

If I am sad, let me pick myself up again (there are always comedies that can be downloaded, funny videos on youtube, my cats, etc). If I am angry, I'll cool down using my own unique ways (gobble down everything in sight, sleep, pray, etc). If I am happy, I'll spread it around (this part, you don't have to worry). This is for future preparation, a step for me to be fully independent I think. I might be wrong but I'll test this for its validity and reliability, and I'll let you know if it works. 

This may portray me as a lonely person (I do agree to this to some degree, but I kinda like it that way) and I don't mind, because this promises no hurting, no fighting, no sorts of negativity involved. And you may say I'm inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert but noo, she ends up with someone anyway in the end and I just feel like whatever man, wasted two hours watching the movie and ending up getting a guy, like it's something new and compelling. 

Whatever it is, I'll test this and the result will be measured using the Happy scale. 1 indicating it isn't working, better go back to how you were before, and 10 I'm immensely happy and I'll never look back.