running with scissors

Fate. We think and hear it a lot, especially as you get older because when you're small, you don't think much of it. You just live and try to get by with homework and issues among friends and boys. When you've become an adult, the word seems so frequently used that it turns out to be a daily thought inside your head. Nowadays, the way I think tend to be influenced by the people surrounding me. One in particular is my friend, Liyana. From the beginning of our journey as lecturers until now, she has never belittle fate that is entrusted upon her. We had plans, ambitious at that, but along the way, some of that fell through that we just accept and try to pick up the pieces and construct something right with it. The thing that amazes me is that she truly, wholeheartedly accepts what God has planned for her, as He knows everything. And I'm glad I am in similar path. Her philosophical words and actions got me thinking how God has beautifully placed me here for a lot of reasons and every time I pray, I can never get to say thank You enough because I'm just that grateful.

When I'm here, I get to know who really cares and who doesn't; my condition, my belonging, my thoughts and feelings or just the sometimes mundane activities that I do that day. It never occurred to me that these people could be this caring and special. I know now and yes, it makes my day every day.

I also get to test what I have with him. Some of you may think being closer now eases things, but distance is more than meets the eye. Turns out that there are struggles involved after all, but I am ever so glad that we're strong and stable enough to iron the kinks out, even if it means trying out a few times. Maintaining  a relationship is never easy, but it can be sustained if you love enough, trust and pray. 

My love for my family is a whole other thing. I appreciate their presence so much more now, that going home on the weekend isn't just a 2-day stay. It is a 48-hour heaven, literally. To wake up and see your sister across the room, to hear your parents laugh, to talk to them, to see their faces, to tease and to truly be me; the ugly, nerdy, silly side of me that are accepted without any faces pulled or remarks made. 

Relationships with loved ones aside, I get to build new ones with my students. They're very much like how my future children would be like and I feel like teaching is also some sort of training wheels for me on how to deal with kids (gasp). Some days I love them, some days I just want to step out of the class and not see them for the rest of the week. But again, God is Great. Last week for two days, I was majorly annoyed with most of my students that today, they seemed calmer and sincere in their learning. Alhamdulillah. I love them, that if I were to continue next semester, I wish I could teach them again but that isn't possible. I just pray that what I teach them is valuable enough to them that they will appreciate and remember it until they graduate and further into the working world. 

For now, I'm going to do my best and then let the rest be decided by Him. I just feel so blessed because I'm not wandering aimlessly. Instead, I'm here, doing what is right.