running with scissors

When I was 15, and John Mayer made his debut, I didn't have to fork out money to buy his cd, because my dad surprised me with one. But before handing it out to me, my parents would listen to it first to check whether there are any profanities or the songs make sense or not, and is worthwhile buying. Thank goodness they liked him. They're cool like that.
 

I think my parents are funny. Despite their "golden" age, they can still crack me up, indirectly however. My mum is known for her "fierceness", to the point that even my nenek saudara is scared of her. And including my dad. So you can just imagine how she is. I think because she is the "baby" of the family, and taking it from my late grandmother, she doesn't allow people to treat like her a doormat. Including her daughters -_-" Albeit the scoldings and the high-pitched name calling whenever we've done something wrong (Nur Nashrah!, Nur Naziha!, Nur Najwa!, Nur Nashreen!), I still of course, love her dearly and owe so much to her. I don't think I say "thank you" enough. Or even "I love you-s". It's not that I don't feel it, but I guess we just never practiced open, laid-out affections. My way of showing it is probably through doing what she asks us to do, study hard, never leave my daily prayers, just doing all the things a daughter should do. I'm not used to bonding sessions like we see in tv dramas, like the Gilmore Girls and such. I even wonder whether it happens in real life or not. Presumably it does, so I guess I'm missing out a lot. I'm going on 22, and she's going on 53. I'll try, because I know life has its way with us and we'll never know when it is our time to go.

My dad is on a 3 weeks leave now, because he's currently retiring soon. Tomorrow night, his colleagues will organize a dinner to celebrate the decades that he's worked with the company. I can't believe the time has come when your father turns 55 and is retiring. That means we will be living on pension money. Erm I made it sound bad right? Don't worry, my parents have been saving since forever, and us four, have our own savings too. So all is good. But after he'll retire, my sister will be the only breadwinner of the family. And I am next. Gulp. This is something huge.

I have no idea why I am writing this post. All my writing skills and structure have gone haywire. It's not even "diamond-shaped" anymore. More like square-ish, sphere, triangle-ish... Haywire I tell you.

Anyway, I guess I hardly write about them, and the mention of the dinner tomorrow night, and not to forget, Mother's Day this Sunday and my father's birthday around the corner, makes me think about how their conditions are like now, who they are as a person, what will come after this, and when will I get to repay everything they have done for me. Will I get enough time with them, will they see me graduate, will they see  me do my Masters, will they see me get married. All these questions are hardly thought about, because I tend to steer away from "reality" and changes that are taking place. I'm growing up, doesn't mean they've stop aging. I forgot about that fact for awhile, and when I finally put my finger on it, it suddenly seems to suck the life out of me. So many things to think about, to consider, when you have your own life, your own demons, your own battles to deal with. 

God has been so giving to my family, and we've been so fortunate. I hope He won't take it away, and leave us in shambles...

p.s: See, so berterabur right? Need to read more man... reading, writing skills all "runaway" already. (Skills membaca dan menulis dah lari.)