where can you run to escape from yourself?
For the past few days, I was a girl on a roller coaster ride. Involuntarily. Got strapped on it, and up and down, up and down I went, experiencing an abundant of emotions. Some were great, some I prefer to put it way wayy aside to not feel so crappy. It's hard to maintain positive but as what most people say, "Inilah dugaan, kena byk bersbr." Oh yeah, I'm doing a whole lot of that. It seems to be working, and life is looking up again. Though I have to admit, I went through this psychological mode where I questioned everything in life like "What am I going to be? Am I going to be a good person? Will I get a good job? What will really happen in the next 10 years? Will I get married? Or will I not?" Serious questions like that.
Sometimes I think to myself, hey I'm yet to turn 21 so I should go on and enjoy my life woohoo like all those people (I wonder who these 'people' really are) but I can't bring myself to that thought. Ever since my grandmother passed away, the subject of death has never left my head. I'm starting to take everything seriously now, more than I used to. I don't like it but it feels like I'm obliged to so I have no choice. A sin can be done so easily, even without you noticing it and I would not want to be in oblivion. So you understand now how dead serious I am when I find it hard to enjoy life. I can actually, not that fun is totally out of the question but when I constantly think of the D word, I'll froze and turn into a headcase. Even I don't like myself at times.
But don't worry, I've only changed a bit, nothing too drastic. Except for one thing, a change that I've noticed in myself is that I don't dream anymore. And I think that is the saddest thing possible to happen to a former full-time dreamer. :(
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2 tissues:
NOOOOO...
You're my biggest partner-in-crime when it comes to dreams! It's a really, really good thing to constantly remember death, but let it not hinder you to enjoy and taste Life that Allah gave.
SMILE always, and always remember that, even if your life's like a craziest roller-coaster, scream and cry, laugh and smile along the way! Roller-coaster is so darn fun! And when Life offers you lemons, you gotta make lemonade out of it!
:))s
you're a good girl, and I'm sure Life will offer you better rewards if you're willing to dive and venture Life!
Be good!
:)
aww rase cam nk nangis bace ni :)) thanks so much moja! kalau roller coaster dier best xpe tau, but this one im experiencing isnt :/ but then again, are all roller coasters fun? adu tak tahan plak ckp dlm metaphor ni ahhaha.
bcuz of what u said ni, im already motivated :D sgt pantas kan? haha. thank u so much!
i'll try to live my life to the fullest, yes i can yes i can yes i can :D
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