running with scissors

when times like these come (Ramadhan), i can't help but remembering my three loveable roommates back in Mawar during pre, Kak Aida, Kak Ana and Irma. we always had our sahur (very groggily) and buka (semua mesti terbaring kekenyangan) together and sometimes tarawikh. whatever mistakes i did, they would correct it and i would learn. they always made fun of me (jokingly of course) and i knew we cared for each other. i had the chance of yelling "Kak Aidaaaa!" during Merdeka celebration on Sat night. she was still the same and i can't believe almost 2 years has past. sigh.

yesterday, i was driving around in my car when a song that sounded like a late 90's and early 00's band came on. all of a sudden, i had a nostalgic moment. (hahaha) i really really miss the old times. bands like The Ataris, Linkin Park, The Wallflowers, Cake, Prana were the ones who helped me grew up. the people who i've had some form of relationships in the past also popped up in my head and i would go into yoga ohhmm-ohhmm mode to try to forget it all. no matter how hard i try, i can't. they are tattooed into the inside of my skull. and yeah, it hurts too.

thinking about Mawar, i remembered my first week there. it was the worst. Worst i tell you and i am not kidding. maybe it's not the worst in history but if anyone can top it, please let me know and we shall share our misery together.

what i went through during MMS week:

1. said something to someone that resulted in a semester-long heart-wrenching episode which ultimately changed my life
2. had a roommate who was not so friendly and busy all the time so i was mostly alone
   
3. had a bleeding nose (it was literally dripping) in the toilet with only a towel on and no water
4. had to cover my nose with one hand and called my friend on the other
5. had to cross over to another building just to wash my nose and take a freakin shower
6. almost passed out on the way to Pusat Islam from Mawar
7. the Naib Timbalan Canselor (i think) at the time didn't let us go home. i cried unashamedly in Dewan Sri Budiman. i went home anyway.

i couldn't remember the point i wrote this. i just had to let it out. i guess i'm not an organized writer after all. i've kept this for a long time so it feels good to express them. number one literally did change my life. all the things that i knew, i loved and i missed were gone. i don't know why i'm still holding on to it. i think i have good faith. or im just weak. even if it was the worst time of my life, there are good things that came out of it. lots of good things. i'm not sure i see it though. hopefully this Ramadhan can clear it all. maybe Allah can show me a way to be truely happy and satisfied with what i have now rather than lament and reminisce. it's not good for your head. i will forget everything and move on. yes, Nashrah you can!


if you think it's about a guy, yes it is. just wanted to make it clear. since i'm all over the place :)) sorry about that.