running with scissors

in the same boat

2012-01-26T12:23:00.005+08:00

This is the reason why I stopped writing. One of my favourite bloggers and inspiration feel the same way too, who knew...

hiatus

2011-12-09T22:09:00.001+08:00

As of right now, I do not have any positive thing to say or even harbour positive thoughts. I feel guilty to even think of ranting here on my beloved blog, because it used to come from a place full of love. The only social networking site that I feel like I can take a breather is Tumblr because it encompasses strangers and lovely images that are from my wildest dreams. Do not get me wrong; I live and breathe familiarity. As much as I try to be adventurous, or appear to be trying, I want something that I can fall back on but sadly I confess, Blogger's no longer my home. Maybe it will be, maybe this is just one of the many hiatuses I've had, but for now, I'd have to bid Goodbye.

So, Goodbye.

the dreamers and the realists

2011-11-27T22:56:00.001+08:00

“There are dreamers, and there are realists in this world. You’d think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not, the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.”

—

Unknown

"I'm so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger, sick of you acting like I owe you this."

2011-11-27T20:54:00.001+08:00

I miss how these guys made me feel. Goosebumps all over when I relive Chester's screams and Mike's rapping. Helped me a lot in going through my high school years. I don't know what was so therapeutic and calming, but whenever something angered or saddened me, I'd put on my headphones and blast them out on my walkman and then I'd feel better. Tears streaming or shaking still, but that pinch of relief would be there. I went to their concert when I was 15, and it still is the best concert I've attended so far. The energy was mad. We all want to turn back time to some points in our lives right, and being there at the stadium watching them is definitely one of it. They're legendary.

All of their songs are amazing but here's one that will always be my favourite :

Why can't we just rewind?

2011-11-22T23:24:00.001+08:00

fingers crossed

2011-11-22T22:59:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum. It's been a while since I've written something here. I visit my blog every day actually, solely to check on my friends' updates and stare at my previous posts. I haven't felt so good about myself and others and even life of late to write something good to be read. But I feel like writing something tonight because, get this, I'm prepping my fingers and thoughts to write my own recommendation letter har har. I haven't written in a long time, and haven't been practicing too so Running With Scissors is a start.

Recommendation letter for what you wonder? Well, I'm trying my luck in applying for a Masters degree in English Lit at IIUM. Why English Literature and not other courses? I love it and during the five years of my bachelor's degree, nothing has ever made me so happy and vibrant in class like Literature did. I beamed, I ooh-ed and aah-ed because the subject was wonderful and it made me feel alive. Yea, a wee bit of an exaggeration there but it is true.

Why IIUM? My sister is currently studying there so I've had my fair share of visiting and observing the place. I honestly think it is interesting, totally different from UiTM and I feel like it has so much to offer me, to feed my hunger of...what I have missed and of life. And yes, I'm not getting any younger so to be placed in an Islamic-based institution can help me a lot in terms of putting and ensuring my feet and head are on the ground.

So please make doa for me, hopefully I'll get accepted.

Oh I'm going back to Pilah next week. Something that I'm not looking forward to but I need to be paid and priceless experience need to be gained. Just three months and I'll be back in Shah Alam. *"Chinning" up.*

broken strings

2011-11-18T03:07:00.001+08:00

"read this to me and I'll come back to you"

2011-11-14T00:36:00.001+08:00

Watched The Notebook for the umpteenth time tonight and cried incessantly like always. Ryan and Rachel make their love story so real, that you can just feel the pain, the love. Just weeks ago, I watched Ryan in Crazy Stupid Love and he has changed tremendously. He's buffer and more handsome even. It's no surprise since The Notebook was released 7 years ago. And I still somehow have hope, though I know it won't happen, for Ryan and Rachel to get back together. The reason why the tearjerker movie struck a deep chord with me is because I've been in Allie's shoes. And it was no picnic. But that was then and I was young and dumb. Now I'm crazily, "smartly" in love.

work it

2011-11-13T19:12:00.001+08:00

A week left before I leave for Pilah. Am I ready to go back? I have to. I want to. And because I CAN.

the object of my affection

2011-11-13T02:19:00.001+08:00

"I want to look at you and not feel so hurt by you."

- Nina in The Object of My Affection

last goodbye

2011-11-13T02:11:00.001+08:00

"Oh you know what makes me so angry?

Because I know that in time, I'll only make you cry

This is our last goodbye."

from Glamour.co.uk

2011-10-21T10:19:00.002+08:00

Some of the looks I picked. I'd totally wear these.

realism, here we go

2011-10-21T10:15:00.002+08:00

I no longer believe in fairy tales and happy ever after. I mean, hello? It doesn't even exist. Only in your in-denial head.
I can't keep up with being an optimist because I can't keep pasting a stupid smile on my face and handle the maintenance. Not going to happen anymore.
I grew up.
Shit happens. Therefore...
Can't be a softie anymore. To quote Caroline Forbes from TVD, "I'm not girly little Caroline anymore, I can handle myself." Well yeah, I'm not lembik, manja little Nashrah anymore. I can certainly handle myself.
Because optimism's overrated.

berhenti berharap

2011-10-20T22:23:00.002+08:00

"Aku pulang tanpa dendam

Ku terima kekalahanku

Aku pulang tanpa dendam

Ku salutkan kemenanganmu

Kau ajarkan aku bahagia, kau ajarkan aku derita

Kau tunjukkan aku bahagia, kau tunjukkan aku derita

Kau berikan aku bahagia, kau berikan aku derita."

sad left, happy right.

2011-10-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

I've read somewhere that when you cry, the order of tears that fall from the eyes indicates whether you are crying out of happiness or just the opposite. Supposedly, if tears come out from the left eye precede the ones from the right, it shows that you are indeed sad. After a few occurrences, I believe it to be true.

What is your take on this?

remember this

2011-10-20T21:25:00.003+08:00

"I will never forget what you said, until the day I know I've made it."

I hardly do things to please people but this is something I can't let go. And in a way, I'm doing it to prove to myself too, to satisfy my personal goals. InsyaAllah, I'll show you just what I'm made of.

rumour has it

2011-10-20T10:39:00.003+08:00

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
- Yeah.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
- Nope, too young for me . They're my students' age.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
- Probably during a job interview.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
- I do it all the time! I'm friendly that way.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
- Not that I know of :s

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
- Yup. Adele's Turning Tables.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
- Raya baju kurung from 2 years ago.

8. How often do you listen to music?
- More than half a day, every day.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
- If I go out? Then jeans.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012?
- Probably not. But I'll never know.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
- In the middle.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘B’?
- My deceased cat, Bluey.

13. What about ‘S’?
- Nope.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?
- Totally forgot how to! I need to practice.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
- Maybe at first, but then later I'd realize they're not worth it.

16. Are you going out of town soon?
- I am out of town.

17. When was the last time you cried?
- .....

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
- Sure.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
- Yeap! It would be so cool. But my choices would be endless as well. Hazel, grey, honeysuckle...

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
- Not sure, because I don't even consider doing absolutely everything for anybody.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
- The lack of productivity.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
- Awwwwww, shooo very cuuteee.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
- Nope, because then I'd be a lesbian.

24. What are you sitting on right now?
- The normal office chair.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
- Oh yeah.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
- Yes.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
- My housemate, Fitriah.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?
- Almost always.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
- Can't remember.

30. Does anyone hate you?
- Maybe, I'm not sure. If there are, I apologize.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
- No, cause fortunately I don't drink.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?
- Love em.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
- I prefer on the eyebrow or nose.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
- There isn't any I'd like to delete because I like to feel pain.

35. Did you have a dream last night?
- Yes! I was about to answer an exam hahahaha.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
- This morning.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
- Yes, if God permits it.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
- Erm, maybe?

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
- I'm not sure...

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
- Nope.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
- Yes.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
- Yep, my dear housemates.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
- Yes.

44. What’s the best part about school?
- Friends.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
- Of course I do.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
- Haha all the time.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
- Always. Over and over and over and over...

48. Were you single over the last summer?
- Nope.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
- No, back then was different. I grew up.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
- Go see my coordinator and help him with some stuff...

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
- Nope.

52. Are you nice to everyone?
- To the ones who reciprocate nicely, yes.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
- Yes.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
- I've never cheated so the answer is highly yes.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
- Sometimes.

56. Do you think you like someone?
- Yes.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘T’?
- Nope.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
- Both.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
- Yes.

60. Do you hate anyone?
- No.

61. How’s your heart?
- Cracked but treatable.

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
- Of course!

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
- Haven't we all?

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
- I don't know.

65. Are your toenails painted pink?
- I've never worn nail polish before. Hmmm, I should sometimes.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
- Don't think so.

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
- We don't particularly love it; we just feel sorry for the guy and forgive him/ accept him again or whatever.

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
- No, so far, thank God.

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
- My sister I guess.

70. How do you look right now?
- Like shit.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
- Of course, family and close friends.

72. Can you commit to one person?
- Yes.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
- Maybe.

74. Have you ever felt replaced?
- Yeah.

75. Did you wake up cranky?
- No, I woke up sad.

76. Are you a jealous person?
- I can be but not the crazy-jealous type.

77. Are relationships ever worth it?
- Depends on the people involved.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
- Yeah.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
- Yes!

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
- Pack my stuff, tuition class.

81. Last person you cried in front of?
- Can't remember.

82. Is there someone you will never forget?
- Yes.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
- Yes, I guess.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
- Talk?

85. Are you over your past?
- Getting there.

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
- Yeah.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
- Nope.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
- Are you crazy?

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
- Are you crazy?

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
- Nope.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
- Am already in one.

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
- Nope.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
- No.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
- Yeah. It's.. going.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
- Yes.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
- Yeah.

97. Who do you have texts from?
- Friends, family members, my network provider.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
- Bummer.

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
- .....
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
- Jamessss.

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
- No.

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
- Of course.

Dan

2011-10-19T14:56:00.004+08:00

Dan
Bila esok datang kembali
Seperti sedia kala
Di mana kau bisa bercanda

Dan
Perlahan kau pun
Lupakan aku mimpi buruk mu
Dimana telah ku tancapkan duri tajam
Kau pun menangis menangis sedih
Maafkan aku

Dan
Bukan maksud ku
Bukan ingin ku melukaimu
Sedarkah kau di siniku pun terluka
Melupakanmu menepikanmu
Maafkan aku

Lupakanlah saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu
Kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala
Caci-maki saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu
Kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulukala

- Sheila On 7, "Dan"

good enough?

2011-10-18T09:14:00.001+08:00

I wish I had someone say this to me every day.

I wish I'd believe it.

failure

2011-10-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

I am so full of flaws, I wonder when they will stop piling up. :'(

WIR Campaign: Cover The Butt

2011-10-09T23:18:00.001+08:00

via Sue Anna Joe

Just yesterday I went out wearing a cropped top (with something underneath of course but tucked in) and a maxi skirt. The shape of my rear was very visible for everyone to see, yet I'd placed people's views and perception way at the back of my mind. I know I am capable to think rationally yet my actions say otherwise. I was weak and absentmindedly succumbed to the world of fashion which had no one forcing me to dress a certain way. Oh dear God, please don't let me be stuck in reverse. I will try harder next time...

faith

2011-10-09T20:00:00.001+08:00

I love to recite the Quran. It used to be an "activity" I do to strengthen my faith, but now I'm in the process of making it my "hobby" and "habit". I do it daily now, every time after Maghrib prayers. Probably soon, I will try to read and understand what the verses mean rather than just reciting them. May He guide me to ensure I do not stop.

a drop in the ocean

2011-10-09T14:05:00.001+08:00

"It´s just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I'm holding you closer than most,
'Cause you are my heaven."

Have a listen and I am positive it will be your lullaby for days...

fashionspiration

2011-10-09T13:16:00.002+08:00

I love Tumblr, because the people I follow post such beautiful and inspiring pictures that I spend hours on it every day. The site is definitely my favourite among other social networking websites like FB and Twitter. Here are some fashionable pictures I saved and looooveee.

Okay actually this picture is of a scene from one my favourite tv shows of all time, Boy Meets World. But what attracts me to it, fashion-wise, is that 90's fashion was so so much simpler and I miss it. Curduroy pants, jeans, plaid shirts, sweaters and sneakers and people won't look at you like you've no fashion sense whatsoever.

Throw out the mundane black blazer and pants, put on some brown ones and you'll look totally spiffy! Love this. If I were an interviewer, I'd hire you in an instant :p

I'm all in for the baseball jacket craze right now. My mum has one from her Uni days in the States but it's a bit bulky and needs major dry-cleaning. Scoured for it online and got myself a look-alike :)

A bit unclear due to me sitting down..

This would be my uniform if Malaysia was a four-season country. Looks so comfy! I guess that's my basic need in clothes; comfort.

A backless dress is always so much sexier than a plunging neckline. The colours are my favourite too; grey and dusty, coral pink.

I've run in into a few leopard-print pants but because my lower body is a bit on the voluptuous side, I dare not to wear one. I'll definitely look tacky :/ But this woman looks lovely doesn't she? The cream shirt compliments the pants perfectly.

What my future son will dress like.

I've always persuaded Amer to wear a sweater over his shirt and tie but a reluctant look is always given. I can perfectly understand why (our scorching weather) but this look is so, so handsome isn't it? I'd melt at the sight of any man sporting it.

I'm on the prowl for the perfect psychedelic, starry-printed skirt or pair of pants. I've come across a pair of bright mix of blue, red, yellow and green pants from Calaqisya at ChicPop but my sisters gave me a no-never-no look. Very obvious that I'm the most adventurous one among us four :p

These are currently my favourites. Will search for more!

theme songs

2011-10-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

When you watch any television series, I bet you'd keep an ear out on their theme songs as well. Well maybe not all of you but I do because I think it plays an important role in introducing the whole show to the audience, and can probably act as the icing on top too. Here are my top 5. (Maybe 6 or 7 or 8...)

CSI

(Once had this as my ringtone..I'm a nerd I know..)

Justified

True Blood

The O.C

(epic song for me. It brings a nostalgic sentiment, since I watched it when I was 16.)

2 Broke Girls

(I love Peter Bjorn & John so when I watched this for the first time, I swear I could feel my ears ring!)

Friends

(who doesn't love thiss?)

Scrubs

The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Chuck

(I love Cake!)

As Told By Ginger

Misfits

What's yours? :)

need more of these

2011-10-04T01:10:00.001+08:00

About a month to go until the end of my service here in Pilah. Probably will get about 3 weeks of holiday until work resumes in mid-Nov. I can't wait.

a few things

2011-09-28T19:52:00.001+08:00

...I'm excited about.

My long-awaited convocation on Oct 31st!
Aina's birthday on Oct 22nd :)
Reuniting with the girls; FroAinFiqaAnna. It has been a looong while!
Getting my pay.
Settling my workload.
Dates..
New episodes of TVD, Glee and New Girl every week he he

loved and lost

2011-09-28T19:39:00.000+08:00

My aunt whom I'm not so close to, passed away on Monday. She was only 49. I didn't get to see her this previous Raya and I haven't figured out why. And it's sad how I don't remember the last time I saw her. Her passing away at such a young age made me think a lot; about my family and life. We're not guaranteed to live forever you know? So we can possibly die at any time, if He makes it so. I didn't get to go home last weekend because I had invigilation on Sunday and that kind of brought the whole week down. I miss my family. This weekend I've no work obligations so you should know already where I'll be headed. Hope you guys are all in the pink of health.

p.s: Such a small world we live in. The son of my aunt, who is my cousin is actually Moja's best friend. He's lucky to have a reliable and caring friend at such a hard time.

who loves Mondays?

2011-09-18T23:50:00.002+08:00

This is me on weekends, savouring the extra hours I have until Monday comes along. Tomorrow's the dreadful day but we got to do what we got to do. Happy working/ studying everyone x

because I am bored out of my mind

2011-09-18T16:18:00.000+08:00

A. Why my last relationship ended.

Because he wanted me to be like him, and that was just something I couldn't bring myself to do. (Is this TMI? I'm actually stating very vague facts.)

B. Favourite band.

There's not one particular band that I love; there are just too many of them that exude awesomeness! But among my favourites are 311, The Killers, VW, Weezer, The Black Keys, The Royal Sons, lots!

C. Who I like and why I like them.

Hmm, this isn't specified so it's hard to provide an acceptable answer. I like passionate people, people who really strive for what they want and not sit idly by. People who try hard to achieve His love. My family, friends ?

D. Hardest thing I’ve ever been through.

To witness the passing of a loved one.

E. My best friend.

I've got lots of these as well, but all throughout my life, I've never particularly pinpoint a person as my "best" friend. I've got really great friends though, and I think they know how much they mean to me.

F. My favourite movie.

Too many to choose from!

G. Sexual orientation.

Straight. So far... (hahahaha)

H. Do I smoke/drink?

Nope, never done any of the two, and I know that I never will.

I. Have any tattoos or piercings?

Used to, on my earlobes but they're forever closed now. Don't really fancy the idea of having to relive the moment of piercing them again.

J. What I want to be when I get older.

Hmm, at 23, I think I'm already on the road of getting "older". I'm currently in the education field but that could change. Frankly, I have no idea of what I want to be, work-wise. But in other matters, I'd just like to be happy and in order with everything associated with me; God, family, friends.

K. Relationship with my parents.

Improved tremendously compared to my high school years. I was not a good daughter. And I am still a far cry from being one but I know I'm much better than before.

L. One of my insecurities.

My inability to communicate well with others. I suck. I can be such an awkward person, it's not even funny.

M. Virgin or not?

What do you think?

N. Favourite place to shop at?

Online! I seldom shop at offline stores. Sad I know.

O. My eye colour.

Dark brown.

P. Why I hate school.

I didn't hate it.

Q. Relationship status as of right now.

Happily taken.

R. Favourite song at the moment.

Cold War Kids' Skip The Charades.

S. A random fact about myself.

Earned myself a black belt in taekwondo.

T. Age I get mistaken for.

18! Or fresh out of high school/ freshman/ part 1 Diploma student :s

U. Where I want to be right now.

Home. Home home. Shah Alam.

V. Last time I cried.

Let's not talk about this shall we?

W. Concerts I’ve been to.

Linkin Park (this was the best everr), Zee Avi, Maher Zain, MGMT, Maroon 5

X. What would you do if (…)?

If next Sunday I won't have to invigilate exams? I would GO STRAIGHT HOME.

Y. Do you want to go to college?

I've been there and done that. But insyaAllah, next year I'll return to do my MA!

Z. How are you?

Not very well but that's very nice of you to ask.

L'Arnacoeur

2011-09-16T00:53:00.003+08:00

I recently watched a French movie called "L'Arnacoeur" or "Heartbreaker" in English since there's nothing much to do than calculating students' on-going marks and conduct consultations with them. The movie features Johnny Depp's fiance (?), Vanessa Paradis and charming actor, Romain Duris and it tells viewers about a guy, along with his sister and her husband who break up unhappy couples for a living and they do it professionally. Their method is by seducing the women in relationships to a certain point only; never stepping into the bedroom. Along the way, Romain finds himself falling for his assignment and she too feels the same way. It's a nice rom-com and a different one to the usual movies I watch because this is my first French movie I think. One of the scenes that I love is when they reenact the dance scene from "Dirty Dancing", which is apparently Vanessa Paradis's character's favourite. Though the guy loathes it, he practices his butt off to dance like the late Patrick Swayze in order to charm her.

A guy who forces himself to dance to impress a girl? Yes please.

Here's the trailer:

brick by brick

2011-09-15T21:20:00.001+08:00

"So brick by brick

I am breaking through these walls

Between you and me

I'm not giving up..."

can't tell

2011-09-07T15:51:00.002+08:00

From Tumblr

Exactly my sentiment...

fishy joke

2011-09-07T02:01:00.003+08:00

Hardeeharhar.

Manhattan Fish Market, Subang.

what he wrote

2011-09-07T00:43:00.001+08:00

"I am not the smartest in class

I am not the richest in town

And I am no James

But I love you, with all my heart."

Because in the end, that is all that matters. The heart.

three words

2011-09-07T00:39:00.000+08:00

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I am fiiiinneeee.

How many times do we say that to ourselves each day and really mean it?

skip the charades

2011-09-06T11:20:00.001+08:00

Syawal '11

2011-08-31T23:48:00.001+08:00

The night before Syawal came along, I was sad and reluctant to move on. Ramadhan passed by so quickly, that I didn't have the heart to let it go. But like sand slipping away through my fingers, Ramadhan was still going to leave us and any attempt made to stop it would be useless. I felt like I didn't do much and I couldn't even manage to khatam on time; only halfway through the Holy book. Woe is me.

However, I didn't keep my frustration for long. Eid-ul Fitr is a day of celebration and that's exactly what I did.

I hope there is still time for me to wish you Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir dan Batin. I'm sorry for all of my wrongdoings, as I commit usual flaws human beings do, and hopefully this apology is met with forgiveness. May you guys have a joyful and wonderful one with your respective families! x

self-intervention

2011-08-24T00:51:00.000+08:00

the big E

2011-08-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

Before you call me a narcissist, based on these displays of my face, let me just say this is actually a sad post because I miss it being "clear" of blemishes created by the big E. :(

First, it was my pair of eyes being dry and painful. Now that they're cured, guess my skin is joining the bandwagon, steering towards being a Sahara desert..

*Please ignore my facial expressions. These were taken 2 years ago..he he

fate

2011-08-15T22:56:00.000+08:00

Fate. We think and hear it a lot, especially as you get older because when you're small, you don't think much of it. You just live and try to get by with homework and issues among friends and boys. When you've become an adult, the word seems so frequently used that it turns out to be a daily thought inside your head. Nowadays, the way I think tend to be influenced by the people surrounding me. One in particular is my friend, Liyana. From the beginning of our journey as lecturers until now, she has never belittle fate that is entrusted upon her. We had plans, ambitious at that, but along the way, some of that fell through that we just accept and try to pick up the pieces and construct something right with it. The thing that amazes me is that she truly, wholeheartedly accepts what God has planned for her, as He knows everything. And I'm glad I am in similar path. Her philosophical words and actions got me thinking how God has beautifully placed me here for a lot of reasons and every time I pray, I can never get to say thank You enough because I'm just that grateful.

When I'm here, I get to know who really cares and who doesn't; my condition, my belonging, my thoughts and feelings or just the sometimes mundane activities that I do that day. It never occurred to me that these people could be this caring and special. I know now and yes, it makes my day every day.

I also get to test what I have with him. Some of you may think being closer now eases things, but distance is more than meets the eye. Turns out that there are struggles involved after all, but I am ever so glad that we're strong and stable enough to iron the kinks out, even if it means trying out a few times. Maintaining a relationship is never easy, but it can be sustained if you love enough, trust and pray.

My love for my family is a whole other thing. I appreciate their presence so much more now, that going home on the weekend isn't just a 2-day stay. It is a 48-hour heaven, literally. To wake up and see your sister across the room, to hear your parents laugh, to talk to them, to see their faces, to tease and to truly be me; the ugly, nerdy, silly side of me that are accepted without any faces pulled or remarks made.

Relationships with loved ones aside, I get to build new ones with my students. They're very much like how my future children would be like and I feel like teaching is also some sort of training wheels for me on how to deal with kids (gasp). Some days I love them, some days I just want to step out of the class and not see them for the rest of the week. But again, God is Great. Last week for two days, I was majorly annoyed with most of my students that today, they seemed calmer and sincere in their learning. Alhamdulillah. I love them, that if I were to continue next semester, I wish I could teach them again but that isn't possible. I just pray that what I teach them is valuable enough to them that they will appreciate and remember it until they graduate and further into the working world.

For now, I'm going to do my best and then let the rest be decided by Him. I just feel so blessed because I'm not wandering aimlessly. Instead, I'm here, doing what is right.

lower east side blues

2011-08-11T16:01:00.001+08:00

I’ve been up all night,
I’ve got demons to fight.
When everything I know,
Is is starting to grow cold.
I’ve been up all night,
You know damn well why.
I’m lost on Little West St. in a town that isn’t mine.

But I’m where I need to be,
So lost but feeling free.
As the sun comes up I finally see
I should have never let you carry me...

what next?

2011-08-10T16:13:00.000+08:00

I find myself confessing classified things about myself; particularly my feelings in this blog and I'm unsure whether that's a good or a bad thing. But then again, feelings are chosen to be suppressed or expressed and in this case, I choose the latter so I guess I am going to write about it.

Yes, free nonsensical babbling of an introduction in the middle of the day.

By the by, I want to write about my students and my current job. Ah, what is new? I don't have anything else to write on anyway. Well, it is now 10 weeks along in the semester and my 8th week knowing and teaching them. So far, things have been a bit of both; tough yet fulfilling. But my limbs and brain are stretched to the end that the instant they pull something "funny", it can ruin my mood for the whole day. Students can definitely break me or make me. Like what Liyana says, "students ni lah penawar, students ni juga lah yang menyakitkan hati, buat kita sedih." It is so true. When you enter a class, the display of faces you see will determine how you will feel that particular time. I have a 3-hour class every Friday at 3 until 6 p.m with my Agrotech students and my inner motherly self will make an appearance because they have their own nursery, you see and in the wee hours of every Friday morning, they have to wake up and tend to their plants. So when I see them all tired and sleepy, I try to make it as easy-going as possible and cut short to only 2 and a half hours.

Most of my Applied Science students on the other hand, are like energizer bunnies. They are a happy-go-lucky, the-sun-is-shining kind of bunch which delights me. They make my days and weeks bearable and I'm ever so grateful. One of them just got an offer to pursue medicine in Egypt. You should have seen me yesterday, I was beaming like mad. She was happy as well but tears welled up and ran down her cheeks when she told me because she would miss her classmates a lot. I said to her go, just go because deep inside me, I know that what she shares with her friends here will not be easily broken by distance.

I also teach pre-diploma students. Judging from their level, you may think their proficiency in English isn't that good and yes, I have no arguments about that. Nevertheless, to be honest, if I don't continue teaching here next semester, they are the ones I probably miss the most...

If I don't continue teaching here....then what is next for me? That question occupies my mind all the time now. Next semester is to start mid-Nov and I will only have a few weeks off to think this through. Sometimes I feel this job is the best, is so much fun, noble and provides me the reason of life itself. To educate and to shape young adults to become better, so what more could I possibly do or want? But then, some days turn bad and I feel like transferring to something totally new so that I won't have to deal with kids who are just starting to develop their personalities, thinking and whatnot while dragging me with them to ride their emotional roller-coaster that I've ridden years before. Then again, can you tell me which job doesn't have an "off" day? Every single one has right?

I'll think about it some more..

p.s: As of 4 p.m just now, the numbers in my account have multiplied from a three-digit amount to a four! I just received my pay whoohoo! My first pay!

nudge, please

2011-08-07T00:47:00.002+08:00

I'm still living in the past. Help.

never too late

2011-08-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

:'( ....

l'aventure

2011-08-05T18:04:00.001+08:00

EAT from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

"3 guys, 44 days, 11 countries, 18 flights, 38 thousand miles, an exploding volcano, 2 cameras and almost a terabyte of footage... all to turn 3 ambitious linear concepts based on movement, learning and food ....into 3 beautiful and hopefully compelling short films..... = a trip of a lifetime."

Definitely added to my bucket list!

couch potato

2011-08-04T16:28:00.001+08:00

Currently beguiled by these shows:

Justified

White Collar

The Big Bang Theory

Teen Wolf

And later, once I get home and download this, I'm sure I'd be interested as well:

The Big C

Splendid way to escape reality...

mi casa

2011-08-02T15:34:00.000+08:00

Azie beat me to it when she posted an entry on family. I guess when we are away from our homes, our hearts definitely grow fonder and you'll count the days until you see them again. I miss a lot of things about my family, but most of all, I just miss them, their presence. Loyal readers might know that this is my first time living somewhere else other than my hometown, Shah Alam and so far, it's been hunky-dory. Or so I thought.

My mind and mood have been on a whirl of late and sadly, I cannot come up with a decent explanation why. PMS? Boring answer. Everyone goes through that every month, but this feeling of missing home is a lot deeper than bloated tummies and cranky heads. I don't feel like I belong in this town.

The people so far are okay, some creepy but that's a norm I guess. The food's nice, the students can drive me crazy or can be the source of my laughter/ happiness every time I see them and I've no problem at all with my workmates. It is just not Shah Alam...

But you know what? As I'm writing this, I think I finally figured out why I miss home. My Atuk has been sick since the last time I saw him and he's currently admitted in Subang. Okay now I know why. It sucks to have an unwell loved one and not being able to see them or touch them. I receive prompt news almost every few hours on his condition but it still doesn't comfort me enough. I've got to go home and see him.

And that's what I'll do this weekend. Ramadhan is just not the same without my family. I've never felt this way before, the feeling of wanting to get something so badly that I've become desperate.

I'm going to go home. I will go home.

p.s: Salam Ramadhan everyone! Second day already today! x

I thought

2011-08-02T11:48:00.000+08:00

This was written last Friday.

Respect. A lot of people say it should be earned, not easily given. I agree.

But when it comes to cases like learning in class and listen to your teacher/ lecturer or even parents, you would just instantly, without thinking or analyze any aspect, respect. Other than the obvious reasons of them being older and are more experienced than you, students/ children should respect because they will earn "barakah" in their lessons and life. However, today I didn't get it. Respect that is.

I was a student before, and I've gone through probably the same stuff my students are going through now so I know all the "virus entered my pendrive and deleted all the files", "I forgot to make a copy of the slides in my pendrive", yadayada excuses. So you think you can kid me now? It's so blatant that sometimes they can leave my jaw hanging and they still wouldn't blink.

I remembered how scared we were back then, if we got to class later than the lecturer and we were to present first that day. Like shit scared, pee in my pants kinda scared. Now, it is apparently the lecturer's job to turn on the computer, call the students countless times and then only they'd go to the front.

I'm not saying students should easily give respect even if their teachers/ lecturers treat them poorly. That's just wrong. However, people who know me would know that I hate confrontations, hate getting angry and tensed so from the get-go, I'd said to myself that I wouldn't give my students a hard time and make the lesson fun and easy going, because English is supposed to be so and if I were a student, I'd want my lecturer to do the same.

So at first I gave them the shrug, act like I didn't care. But then it got ugly and I felt like a total pushover, so my face became strained, then out went my potty mouth expressing the anger and annoyance I felt. Then I breezed out of class. Note breezed, not stormed.

First dramatic exit I have ever done so far. Hope there won't be any in the future.

p.s: My students are scared of me now. Good.

freak

2011-07-27T16:45:00.002+08:00

I don't belong here.

kitkat

2011-07-20T16:05:00.003+08:00

I just ate two sticks of Kitkat Fit brought to the office. Thank God, or else I'd be so cranky (because of hunger), she'd be annoyed.
Just sent Yana to the bus station. She's already in Seremban and on her way back to Nilai as I type.
Just brought Fit to the KP driving school. Registered and now roaring to start getting her license.
It's now the mid semester break so the campus is so quiet, except for the occasional phone rings, chattering, doors creaking.
I'll be going back to Shah Alam tomorrow. We PTFT lecturers only get about 7 days per semester, so we only applied for two days of holiday this time and the remaining days will be used during Raya break. How sad right.
A lot of things are running through my head. Masters, my position here, jobs in other sectors; basically everything concerning my future. Why do I feel like everything is moving so fast that I could barely grip anything in sight?
Masters in TESL or Masters in English Lit or Masters in Applied Linguistics? Each of the courses sounds so interesting and promising.
Next question, UIA or UPM? Yana and Fit are registering for the latter.
My BEL coordinator advised us to obtain our Masters at least in 3 years' time. I'll be 26 by then and at the time, I might want to think of settling down so gotta start now right? Right?
Coursework or research?
I haven't received my first pay. So many things on my to-buy list. Not good, not good.
I have been here a month. Set foot here on June 20th. Time really flies nowadays.
I kinda miss my students. Okay fine, I miss them, no kinda.
No no, I must not get attached.
Because I may not be a lecturer forever right?
Maybe for another semester? Or maybe not.
That's another mind-boggling question I have.
This job at first was only deemed to be temporary; I was merely testing the waters, but now it seems like it's connected to so many things that can possibly give me a promising future. Apply for Masters, become an expert in whatever it is I'll take, then become a full-time lecturer then get a rise in pay then I might get transferred to the Shah Alam campus which is so much nearer to my house.
All of that sound so good but is this really what I want? What about my dream to write articles? To travel? Should I do both? Or not?
By now, you'd probably know how crazy my mind is.
My housemates/ colleagues/ crazy friends seem to know what they want so easily and I'm still here hanging and wondering and deciding and praying.
I have to see and ask people who have more knowledge in this. Maybe my beloved lecturers back in SA.
Yep, maybe..
Okay I'm out. Got to mark some essays. I've already written two "please see me after class" notes because of their "perfect" writing that doesn't even make sense. And Fit's watching MatLuthfi's videos. She's laughing her head off. I want to go join. Bye bye.

one and only

2011-07-20T11:02:00.000+08:00

a message

2011-07-16T01:25:00.000+08:00

an educator's words

2011-07-15T13:31:00.000+08:00

"Berbuih mulut aku mengajar, jangan sampai tak berkat kamu belajar."

- Jasmin Hassan (2011)

my bucket list

2011-07-14T12:02:00.002+08:00

My bucket list is updated! Feel free to give me suggestions/ ideas to be added :)

over my head

2011-07-10T01:15:00.000+08:00

When I was 22, I had the impression that when I turn 23, things will be majorly different; graduation, separation from course mates and stepping into the working world. Fast forward a year later, all of that happened alhamdulillah but it didn't occur to me that life was about to go into super speed mode. Now I have to readjust my thinking and plan things that I need to envision and materialize in 2, 3 years time. To be honest, I find it a tough thing to achieve because I've just started this new, inexperienced life and it's only a few weeks old. I am not ready. But then again, will we ever be?

pumped up kicks

2011-07-10T00:38:00.000+08:00

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
you’d better run, better run, outrun my gun
all the other kids with the pumped up kicks
you’d better run, better run, faster than my bullet"

hey,

2011-06-30T23:13:00.000+08:00

there are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how.

my "sakinah"

2011-06-29T20:27:00.000+08:00

Menangis tadi ketika berdoa. "Terima kasih ya Allah kerana Engkau telah memberi ku peluang untuk berjumpa dengan keluargaku, walaupun sekejap. Dan aku bersyukur untuk masih memiliki keluarga yang sihat dan saling sayang-menyayangi."

My heart is at ease when seeing them all perfect and well, without any reservations. They reaffirm my purpose of being here, teaching. To make them proud and to serve others. I can't wait to get my first pay, so I can spoil them rotten. Though not much, but the looks that will be displayed on their faces when experiencing it are surely to be priceless, and can possibly make me the happiest person alive.

Alhamdulillah ya Allah.

war of my life

2011-06-26T23:38:00.000+08:00

I feel like I have to grow up more quickly than I should. I'm not ready. But then I forgot that I'm not the only one in this. It takes two (three, four, five) to tango. Explains a lot on why I often prefer to be alone.

current theme song

2011-06-26T15:47:00.000+08:00

:)))

new deep

2011-06-26T15:22:00.000+08:00

I miss eating chicken. I stopped eating it for a while now to mend my sinusitis. So for the time being and the future, no more KFC, Kenny Rogers, Nando's, Chicken Rice Shop, Nasi Ayam Gemas, etc. How sad. No, really, I get a bit upset when I pass one of the mentioned restaurants. Even more so here in Kuala Pilah, when the only fast food chain available is KFC.

I miss using regular handphones sometimes. Smart phones are proven to be very useful but they can also be quite the annoyance. Emails, twitter mentions, FB notifications, BBMs, but I kinda like it too. You're constantly connected with the virtual world. But everyone needs the occasional breather.

I miss home but not to the point of being sick. To be honest, I'm amazed at myself on how calm I've been this week. Only shed tears the minute my family left me here in Pilah and had about 30 minutes to do so when Yana and her family arrived. And from that moment on, I did not cry at all. (Yes, I'm only 2 hours away from SA but still...)

I miss UiTM's gym. Yep. Here in Negeri Sembilan campus, there isn't any; probably because it's still new. But the great thing is, next time when I do the have the chance to go to the one in SA, I won't be signing in as a student but as a staff member :)

Those are the things that I miss. Now for the things that I've discovered here,

You can hardly find restaurants that are opened here on Sundays. My theory is, people in Kuala Pilah prefer dining in and are very introverted. They're quite the homebodies.

Nasi Goreng Melang. Squid, prawn, chicken, veges all thrown together. Unfortunately, I can eat the one with only veges in it.

People here are friendly. The makcik at this one food stall we went to chatted with us all throughout our meal and gave tips on where to fix our sinusitis. UiTM staff, especially the BEL lecturers are so fun and helpful! They're like a family. The mak and pak guards in UiTM too! But maybe it's because I work there now and am not a student anymore. Friends, you won't believe your eyes when you see them actually SMILING with their teeth showing at you. I felt so special.

Kuala Pilah is small but I managed to get lost a few times around town this week.

Everyday, me and my friends/ housemates/ former coursemates/ colleagues would hunt for food and try out different restaurants/ stalls. It's fun. Now we know where are the cheap ones, the pricey ones and the good ones.

18 year-old Diploma students still act like they're in form 5 and I like it.

The day I receive my Staff card, that's when the students will stop thinking I'm one of them. For now, I just have to remain submissive.

I'll add more next weekend.

dreamer

2011-06-24T13:52:00.001+08:00

I waited, despite the fact that certain circumstances did not allow me to carry on with.. well, anything. The only thing I was capable of doing was to hope and pray. That's what people do when they want something they think is impossible to get right? The final outcome would either be of the two; you achieve your dream or you don't, because perhaps, it is never meant to be yours in the first place. But along the way, months of observation had me convinced that no, the dream I was longing for was out of reach. I was wrong. Damn wrong. But nothing can be done as of now. My current belief is that, that period of time has been swept under the rug. It's locked away in a box and the key's nowhere to be found. However, in hindsight, I should have probably seen this coming, that is if I were to possess a ridiculously high amount of confidence (and vanity) but I just couldn't picture it to actually come true. Now everything is different, vastly, and I'm not even sure if what had happened was ever real. Because tremendous changes have taken place. My dream is floating away, from one place to another, vigorously and never stopping, while I too am doing the same, though not as rapid.

What-ifs occupy my mind the past couple of days, but after much thought and consideration, I'm left with only one choice, which is to give up, forget and move on.

incomplete

2011-06-15T23:16:00.001+08:00

“I always feel like I’m struggling to become someone else. Like I’m trying to find a new place, grab hold of a new life, a new personality. I guess it’s part of growing up, yet it’s also an attempt to reinvent myself. By becoming a different me, I could free myself of everything. I seriously believed I could escape myself- as long as I made the effort. But I always hit a dead end. No matter where I go, I still end up me. What’s missing never changes. The scenery may change, but I’m still the same old incomplete person. The same missing elements torture me with a hunger that I can never satisfy. I guess that lack itself is as close as I’ll come to define myself.”

- Haruki Murakami

the next phase

2011-06-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

I got a job.

In Kuala Pilah.

I'll be teaching. Eh no, lecturing. But honestly I don't feel the difference. Yet.

The only obvious difference is my audience. They'll be 18 to 20 year-olds?

So maybe that's good. Or not.

Okay the thing is, I am FREAKIN OUT.

Why?

Because in my 23 years of living, I have never stepped foot out of Shah Alam before, so all this is new to me.

It will be my first time living in a rented house, with a friend.

No more my own bed, my own room, all the privileges one has staying at home.

But it's okay, because this is what I want.

To gain teaching experience. And alhamdulillah, someone actually wants to hire me.

And alhamdulillah, I get to shape young minds once more.

Only in another state, 2 hours away from home.

Wish me luck.

p.s: I am so mengada. How to study abroad like this? See this as your first step to adulthood!

the Great Brit

2011-06-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum! After a week in breezy, windy, cold UK, I'm back in sweltering Malaysia. I can feel the vast temperature difference. I have no idea how my friend there will adjust herself here when she gets back because even at 21 degrees during her recent holiday in Italy, she felt it was too hot that she went back to her hotel to take a shower! Anyway, my holiday in Manchester and London was how I imagined it would be. Eccentric natives and their fashion sense, tiptop politeness, lovely weather, and wonderful companion!

Fro!

Our last picture sobs.

Eating fish&chips. It's quite the staple meal there.

Us minus Jwa in Old Trafford. I'll never forget this.

Went to see my crazy cousins staying in London,

And not to forget. This. Yes, that building that says "Primark".

Me and my sisters went crazy in there! Everything was affordable. Yes, the UK pound is equivalent to RM5, but they sold sunglasses and bags for 3 pounds and they're so nice! But the sad thing is, Primark is situated only in the UK, so yes, another visit is a must. Bought quite a handful of items so no more online shopping for me. For now..

I wish I could go again. Probably in a few years' time? On my own? Or with someone? I don't know but I'll definitely give it another visit :) And no, not because of Primark.

coffee

2011-06-05T20:09:00.000+08:00

"In high definition I'm dreaming of you
With my disposition I'm losing my cool
With my everything I give anything to be with you"

summer holiday

2011-06-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

One thing I love about my mum is that she is one major traveler, and because of her and my dad's life-long dream, I'll be off to Manchester for a week next week! My dad has been a huge MU fan since he was in diapers, thus going there seems like a natural move to take; a once in a lifetime opportunity that should not be missed out on. Apart from having the chance to feast my eyes on the Theater of Dreams and bask myself in the crisp English weather, I get to see my best friend who's studying there! It's been ages and I can't wait :) It's also my first time spending a few days of summer in the UK, my ultimate location to study and live so you can just imagine what it does to myself! Yup, almost loopy..

Pray that I have a safe journey!

flaws and all

2011-05-29T00:43:00.000+08:00

I have eczema.

I always need at least 3 tissues when I eat. One for my mouth, two for my nose.

Thus, I'm not a very pleasant person to eat with. Only those who can withstand the constant action of jabbering tissues to the nose can go through lunches or dinners with me.

I am a klutz. One time during FSP (very recent you see), I had my lunch with Wan, Tiqa and Ida. I spilled kicap on my baju kurung which prompted me to go back home and change, and I broke a bit of my plastic spoon. I think one more thing happened, but it's okay, already embarrassing as it is.

I can be so uncool. I hardly "take it easy". I say it all the time though, but I don't actually do it. A lot of people have had the "forced" experience of calming me down when the slightest commotion happens to me throughout my life.

I am not demure like a lady "should" be and I don't think I ever will be. And through experience, some people dislike this quality of me. In fact, they are appalled.

I eat and I eat a lot. And I don't care. Well I do count the calories and such, but at the end of the day, you can just burn them off at the gym, easy peasy.

I've a short temper.

Despite all this, a person sees my flaws as being "cute" and very "me" and that they are what make me "special". Words like that aren't suitable to describe my qualities I highlighted. But that person justifies it so, and I think it is pretty cool. He is cool. And we just turned two. Guess he's patient too.

Thank you. xo

chasing pavements

2011-05-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

"Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even it leads nowhere?

Or would it be a waste, even if I knew my place?

Should I leave it there?"

besides music..

2011-05-27T13:07:00.000+08:00

I am also in love with fashion. Who isn't?

Currently in love with long, flowy materials. I finally got my hands on a black, long-sleeved maxi dress, very similar to Maysaa's but the thing is, I don't know where to wear it to! I mean, on a regular outing, wearing that would be a bit funny considering the normal occasion. I've been experimenting with it to make it look less formal and polished; donning it with a denim vest, espadrilles, flats and they still look "too nice" to be worn to the mall! Now I can either, a) just wear it without thinking too much or b) experiment harder!

the royal sons

2011-05-26T23:37:00.004+08:00

I love music and I think it's very apparent, judging from most of my posts which usually display music videos of songs I find rapturous that day. I just think it's easier for me to convey my thoughts through songs rather than typing it out. So usually, the videos I have here depict more or less my feelings at the time. Yes, a very obvious giveaway. Anyway, I feel pretty excited to share this duo (Landon Maslyn and Hayden Coplen) I stumbled on Tumblr with you guys. They're awesome because they literally take words straight out of my mouth (and heart) and sing them beautifully. And the fact that they've just recently started to post few videos of their songs on YouTube turns me into an enthusiastic groupie to follow them every step of their way. Here are videos of the duo singing live on a field somewhere (I think as the location looks so scenic). They sound undeniably good!

Check them out here as well:

Their Tumblr

p.s: I know this is too big of a dream, but it dawned on me on how much music holds such high importance in my daily life (I can't live without it) and I just thought that.. it would be so cool to do something with it for a living.. Don't you think so?

west coast

2011-05-25T00:20:00.000+08:00

"And I miss you

I'm going back home to the west coast

I wish you would've put yourself in my suitcase

I love you, standing all alone in a black coat"

oh snap

2011-05-22T01:26:00.002+08:00

Boy: Hey, what you up to cutie?
Girl: You're very flirty, aren't you?
Boy: Yeah, maybe :p
Girl: That's not good though..
Boy: Why?
Girl: Because it doesn't work on me.

Oh snap! Ha ha ha.

starstrukk

2011-05-18T15:27:00.000+08:00

Can't stop listening to this version!

these streets

2011-05-18T14:42:00.002+08:00

"These streets have too many names for me
I'm used to Glenfield road and spending my time down in Orchy
I'll get used to this eventually
I know, I know"

Well, I'm used to hanging out at TESL Square and see the faces of my friends and lecturers. Joking around and discussing assignments and exchanging worries. Now that is just something in the past.. I've got to get used to new things; new steps, new faces, new obligations, new work, new life.

holiday

2011-05-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

Amer wrote something, and I would like to copy and paste it here :p

Things that I want to do with you. (too.)

Movies - Nur Kasih, Lanun Caribbean, anything :)
Roller skate, even though tak reti :p
Eat and eat and eat :)
Bookstore :)
Kayak, huehuehue :p
Maybe softball or baseball again :)
Eat, eat, eat :)
Archery with Shoin :)
Roadtrip
Makan dan makan lagi :)

Thank you. :)

romantic buffoon

2011-05-17T15:43:00.001+08:00

Ever since final exam ended and my dissertation was approved and received the green light to be hard bounded, I was literally consumed with the feelings of joy and freedom. No more researching and typing and thinking too hard. I finally got the chance to utilize my laptop for other purposes, such as surfing the internet freely and downloading any movie I wanted to see. You'd think I would watch movies with substance and depth, but no, I chose to be silly and dreamy this time. List of chick flicks I've watched in the past few weeks;

Drive Me Crazy.
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days (re-watched this 10 times)
New In Town
See Jane Date
Sweet Home Alabama
The Romantics
The Wedding Date
Valentine's Day
Life As We Know It
He's Just Not That Into You
When In Rome
The Wedding Planner
Waitress
27 Dresses

Well, girls just want to feel good..

I really want to hit a piñata right now

2011-05-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

Jennifer Garner in Valentine's Day.

p.s: In the process of buffing up (no jiggly bits but not to the point of turning into the Michelin mascot) my arms like Jennifer Biel's.

moved on

2011-05-15T23:41:00.004+08:00

It has been five (long) years. What do you expect?

secret

2011-05-15T21:15:00.000+08:00

"I know I don't know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh No they can't"

aiyo, Adam's so hot :s

I'm bad at goodbyes

2011-05-14T19:15:00.001+08:00

I miss you guys.

what do you know about the L word?

2011-05-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

Got this at yet another note posted by my friend on Facebook. :)

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within
your chest?
-it isn’t love, it’s like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
-it isn’t love, it’s lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
- it isn’t love, it’s pride.

Do you want them because you know they`re there?
-it isn’t love, it’s loneliness.

Are you there because it`s what everyone wants?
-it isn’t love, it’s loyalty.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
-it isn’t love, it’s low confidence.

Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don`t want to hurt
them?
-it isn’t love, it’s pity.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
-it isn’t love, it’s infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
-it isn’t love, it’s friendship.

Do you tell them every day that they are the only one you think of?
-it isn’t love, it’s a lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
-it isn’t love, it’s charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they`re sad?
-then it’s love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they`re strong?
-then it’s love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
-then it’s love.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and
relation pulls you close and holds you there?
-then it’s love.

Do you accept their faults because they`re a part of who they are?
-then it’s love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
-then it’s love.

Would you then give them your heart, your life, your death?

Would you?

citrus

2011-05-10T23:41:00.003+08:00

:o I now know the colour palette of my wedding dress. This may change in the future, but for now, I love these hues!

Citrus! Orange, yellow, lime green, honeysuckle!

This may be a little bit too bright, but isn't a wedding a happy event? :)

A girl can dream...

Update: It totally left my mind that mostly (only?) royal families wear yellow! Duh Nashrah..

But out of all the citrus-y colours, I dig grapefruit the most :)

and I love you, I love you, I love you like never before

2011-05-09T22:31:00.001+08:00

Mother's Day lunch :)

Jwa's 20th :)

"For you, there'll be no more crying,
For you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right

To you, I'll give the world
to you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before."

- Fleetwood Mac, "Songbird"

(Check out Glee's version sang by Santana. So beautiful.)

kiss my lovely rear

2011-05-09T19:25:00.003+08:00

"Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything"

;)

skinny love

2011-05-08T23:21:00.001+08:00

Who watched the latest episode of The Vampire Diaries? This cover was featured in the ending. So so sad. You should watch it, I don't want to spoil it for you. But I'm warning you; get ready with tissues :(

Sunday night tazkirah

2011-05-08T22:55:00.001+08:00

Okay I didn't mean to make you choke on your drink or widen your eyes in a sudden manner when you saw the word "tazkirah" there. But it would be funny if you did hahaha. Okay kidding. I'm such a bad joker. Moving on.

I've been meaning to write a post on this for a while now but of course, having AE and CALL did not allow me to do so. So now that I'm free a bit (oh didn't you hear? I've finished my only exam paper today and now am free from assignments and exams and such! I've said au revoir to undergraduate life!), I'd like to share with you knowledge that I've gained in a tazkirah held at my house about two weeks ago, conducted by Ustaz Razak who was my previous umrah guide. It's in BM and there was no topic specified so the Ustaz merely talked about things in general. My points are cluttered so I'll just write them one by one okay.

Solat and baca Quran must always keep in check.
Sentiasa ucap salam, dan jawab dengan cara yang lebih baik.

For example, if I say "Assalamualaikum", you should reply, "Waalaikumussalam warahmatullah."

Lebih baik makan di rumah kerana halalnya sudah pasti.
For mothers, try to breastfeed your baby until he or she is of 2 years of age.
Sentiasa hubungkan dan eratkan silaturahim.
Temujanji sebaik-baiknya dilakukan pada waktu Asar or selepas.
Sebelum pergi rumah orang, makan dan minum puas-puas dulu di rumah.
Tugas orang rumah if ada tetamu: sekurang-kurangnya hidangkan air kosong. And sambutlah dengan hati.
Mudah memaafkan kesalahan orang lain. We always have to be forgiving.
We must always respect people.
Petanda hari kiamat/ Doomsday: mudah berhutang, tapi susah untuk bayar hutang.
Solat, bermunajat di 2/3 malam, ketika manusia sedang tidur pasti masuk syurga (Rasulullah SAW)
Untuk pastikan kualiti iman: puasa Mondays and Thursdays, tahajud.
Sentiasa ziarah kubur.
Rajinkan diri ziarah orang sakit di hospital & tumpangan orang tua, tolong orang miskin.
Berbuat baik kepada orang lain.
How do we know our deeds are accepted by Allah SWT? ---> We feel happy doing it, and we find ourselves changing for the better.
Orang yang baca Quran tapi masuk neraka, kenapa? ---> Tidak mengamalkan isi nya.

I hope these points will help us be better Muslims, and also maybe and hopefully answer some inquiries that you might have too! :)

Kat and Anne

2011-05-06T11:46:00.000+08:00

Can't wait to see these;

Kat Dennings, I love.

Anne Hathaway, I love too.

Hijab

2011-05-05T13:14:00.001+08:00

Got this in a note posted by my sister's friend on Facebook. I find it very enlightening. Have a good read :)

Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah have related the prophet to saying:

"The one who wears a garment designed for a worldly fame, Allah will make them wear a garment of humility on the Day Of Resurrection then he will be set ablaze."

The garment of fame is any garment a person wears to make themselves look famous. This applies whether the garment is highly precious and shows admiration to the life of this world or it is chosen of a low quality to show lack of interest to this worldly life. The person may put on clothes with distinct colors so as to draw attention, act proudly and'or arrogantly.

Why She Won't Wear Hijab!

A discussion by A.Q Alidost

A conversation for Muslim Sisters:

"I'm so tired."

"Tired of what?"

"Of all these people judging me."

"Who judged you?"

"Like that woman, every time I sit with her, she tells me to wear hijab."

"Oh, hijab and music! The mother of all topics!"

"Yeah! I listen to music without hijab... haha!"

"Maybe she was just giving you advice."

"I don't need her advice. I know my religion. Can't she mind her own business?"

"Maybe you misunderstood. She was just being nice."

"Keeping out of my business, that would be nice..."

"But it's her duty to encourage you do to good."

"Trust me. That was no encouragement. And what do you mean 'good'?"

"Well, wearing hijab, that would be a good thing to do."

"Says who?"

"It's in the Quran, isn't it?"

"Yes. She did quote me something."

"She said Surah Nur, and other places of the Quran."

"Yes, but it's not a big sin anyway. Helping people and praying is more important."

"True. But big things start with small things."

"That's a good point, but what you wear is not important. What's important is to have a good healthy heart."

"What you wear is not important?"

"That's what I said."

"Then why do you spend an hour every morning fixing up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You spend money on cosmetics, not to mention all the time you spend on fixing your hair and low-carb dieting."

"So?"

"So, your appearance IS important."

"No. I said wearing hijab is not an important thing in religion."

"If it's not an important thing in religion, why is it mentioned in the Noble Quran?"

"You know I can't follow all that's in Quran."

"You mean God tells you something to do, you disobey and then it's OK?"

"Yes. God is forgiving."

"God is forgiving to those who repent and do not repeat their mistakes."

"Says who?"

"Says the same book that tells you to cover."

"But I don't like hijab, it limits my freedom."

"But the lotions, lipsticks, mascara and other cosmetics set you free?!

What's your definition of freedom anyway?"

"Freedom is in doing whatever you like to do."

"No. Freedom is in doing the right thing, not in doing whatever we wish to do."

"Look! I've seen so many people who don't wear hijab and are nice people, and so many who wear hijab and are bad people."

"So what? There are people who are nice to you but are alcoholic. Should we all be alcoholics? You made a stupid point."

"I don't want to be an extremist or a fanatic. I'm OK the way I am without hijab."

"Then you are a secular fanatic. An extremist in disobeying God."

"You don't get it, if I wear hijab, who would marry me?!"

"So all these people with hijab never get married?!"

"Okay! What if I get married and my husband doesn't like it? And wants me to remove it?"

"What if your husband wants you to go out with him on a bank robbery?!"

"That's irrelevant, bank robbery is a crime."

"Disobeying your Creator is not a crime?"

"But then who would hire me?"

"A company that respects people for who they are."

"Not after 9-11"

Yes. After 9-11. Don't you know about Hanan who just got into med school?

And the other one, what was her name, the girl who always wore a white hijab... ummm..."

"Yasmin?"

"Yes. Yasmin. She just finished her MBA and is now interning for GE."

"Why do you reduce religion to a piece of cloth anyway?"

"Why do you reduce womanhood to high heals and lipstick colors?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"In fact, I did. Hijab is not just a piece of cloth. It is obeying God in a difficult environment. It is courage, faith in action, and true womanhood.

But your short sleeves, tight pants..."

"That's called 'fashion', you live in a cave or something? First of all, hijab was founded by men who wanted to control women."

"Really? I did not know men could control women by hijab."

"Yes. That's what it is."

"What about the women who fight their husbands to wear hijab? And women in France who are forced to remove their hijab by men? What do you say about that?"

"Well, that's different."

"What difference? The woman who asked you to wear hijab... she was a woman, right?"

"Right, but..."

"But fashions that are designed and promoted by male-dominated corporations, set you free? Men have no control on exposing women and using them as a commodity?! Give me a break!"

"Wait, let me finish, I was saying..."

"Saying what? You think that men control women by hijab?"

"Yes."

"Specifically how?"

"By telling women how and what to wear, dummy!"

"Doesn't TV, magazines and movies tell you what to wear, and how to be 'attractive'?"

"Of course, it's fashion."

"Isn't that control? Pressuring you to wear what they want you to wear?"

[Silence]

"Not just controlling you, but also controlling the market."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you are told to look skinny and anorexic like that woman on the cover of the magazine, by men who design those magazines and sell those products."

"I don't get it. What does hijab have to do with products."

"It has everything to do with that. Don't you see? Hijab is a threat to consumerism, women who spend billions of dollars to look skinny and live by standards of fashion designed by men... and then here is Islam, saying trash all that nonsense and focus on your soul, not on your looks, and do not worry what men think of your looks."

"Like I don't have to buy hijab? Isn't hijab a product?"

"Yes, it is. It is a product that sets you free from male-dominated consumerism."

"Stop lecturing me! I WILL NOT WEAR HIJAB!

It is awkward, outdated, and totally not suitable for this society... Moreover, I am only 20 and too young to wear hijab!"

"Fine. Say that to your Lord, when you face Him on Judgment Day."

"Fine."

[Silence]

"Shut up and I don't want to hear more about hijab niqab schmijab Punjab!"

[Silence]

She stared at the mirror, tired of arguing with herself all this time.

Successful enough, she managed to shut the voices in her head, with her own opinions triumphant in victory on the matter, and a final modern decision accepted by the society - but rejected by the Faith:

"Yes!" - to curls on the hair - "No!" - to hijab!

"And he (/she) is indeed a failure who corrupts it [the soul]!" [Noble Quran 91:10]

Subhana'Allah!!!

"Nay! You prefer the life of this world; While the hereafter is better and more lasting." [Noble Quran 87:16-17]

"You are the best community (Ummah) raised up for (the benefit of) humanity; enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong and believing in Allah." [Noble Quran 3:110]

"Book'em Danno"

2011-05-05T13:10:00.002+08:00

Latest favourite bromance pairing; Steve and Danny

Sigh..what a sight.

Loved him in Moonlight and The Backup Plan, now I'm addicted to Hawaii Five-O! If you love the beach, the sun, Alex (but of course) and a lot of action, this show's for you!

major pet peeves

2011-05-04T21:16:00.001+08:00

People who are ungrateful.
People who complain all the time.
People who whine incessantly.
People who do not act their age.
People who swear. Don't get me wrong; I'm all for cussing but only when it is necessary, minimally used or appropriate. (Okay cussing is actually never appropriate) But to include multiple swear words in a sentence is going a little too far. And to be honest, it's annoying. Also eye-straining, especially when it comes to my students.
Hypocrites.
People who are condescending. Please, do yourself a favour and look in the mirror first before thinking you are better, cooler or whatever.

I admit I have my flaws but I don't understand how people can be so ignorant. Can't stand these qualities :/

"if it's not with you,

2011-05-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

there is no thing that makes me wanna settle down."

-Phoenix, "If It's Not With You"

The first song playing in the background when I stepped in the car; The Pixies, "Here Comes Your Man." We sang along to it on our last date, or was it the one before? I can't recall. Nonetheless, much to my imaginative and dreamy self, I felt that moment was magical, that I also thought it was a good concept for a romantic movie. Because my heart was practically fluttering inside. Yes, it literally did. I felt it so. That's what a romantic movie does to you right?

Then we exchanged gifts. How is it possible for us to give each other the same thing? I bought you a Maroon 5 shirt from the concert and you gave me a John Mayer tour shirt. How can you read my mind? How? How can there be a person so in sync with you, that you step back for a second to be engulfed in a stupor, and say to yourself, wait a minute, who are you? (A shirt might bring little meaning to some, but considering the timing, and my interest, it's pretty huge to me..)

Finally, we said goodbye. I lost count on how many times I've said it. "Bye, take care, drive baik-baik." And I've lost count on how many times I stood watching you go, fighting back tears, but heart full of hope and anticipation to see you again, next time. The time where we both are unsure when, but can only plan and promise. And every time that happens; the saying goodbye part, I knew. I just know that..

if it is not with you, there is absolutely nothing that makes me want to settle down.

poetry completes

2011-04-28T19:34:00.000+08:00

"We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless… of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?” Answer: that you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

- John Keating, Dead Poets Society

reincarnation

2011-04-28T16:05:00.000+08:00

It will forever be a cat.

time to be selfless

2011-04-28T15:40:00.002+08:00

I'm going to be dead broke at the beginning of May (!) considering the loads of things I need to buy for my loved ones.

Mother's Day present for my Ma (I have no idea of what I'm going to get her. Every year I would buy products from Body Shop; the lotions, perfumes, etc, so to pamper her because who wouldn't love those stuff? I know I do..But the sad thing is, whenever I check the cabinet in her toilet, my gifts are still beautifully wrapped..). Maybe a bag or a pair of Crocs will do.
Crocs for my aunt (belated birthday present as well as Mother's Day. Her feet are very sensitive and I think the only kind that suits her is the comfy Crocs.)
My sister's birthday present (Easy peasy. Clothes, bags, shoes, yada yada yada. Haha.)
Anything for my baby sis (just to surprise her. I reckon food would be best.)
Pa's birthday present. (Maybe I will pay for a lunch/ dinner date:)

These are the things that I can think of right now. I feel there's more. But five items are already a lot man..And to be honest, it's so difficult for me to even list them down here, because as of now, there are a gajillion things that I want to buy!

So far, I have spotted a pair of black wedges, floral crop top, floral romper, pink boho top, printed maxi skirt.. There will be more coming soon, don't worry..

Also, the question that arises here is, where in the world would I get the MONEY?.. Genius Nashrah..You think you can buy those things with imaginary money coming from your magic wallet which just so happens to magically contain money every time you open it ah?

This only means I have to save and refrain myself from those mentioned online stuff I'm keen on buying. But maybe you can lend a helping hand..

Do visit WhenJackieMetJazzy and see whether there are items you're interested in. Don't worry, can nego.. :)

p.s: What is the point of writing "selfless" there if you still think about yourself? God, help me. I can be so daft sometimes.

just one more

2011-04-28T14:21:00.001+08:00

~~PD Reflective Report- on the waaayyy!~~
~~CIE Paper~~
CALL Blog
~~AE Chapter 4~~
~~AE Chapter 5~~
~~Interviews for AE~~
~~Lit for Children and Young Adults final test~~

I can do this. Thank God I love blogging!

you've got the love

2011-04-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

"Now and then it seems that life is just too much.

But you’ve got the love I need to see me through.

When food is gone you are my daily need.

When friends are gone I know my saviour’s love is real."

23! <3

oh. my. chanel.

2011-04-20T01:34:00.001+08:00

I'm aware there is an abundance of talented dancers out there, but gosh, I so wish I could move my body like she does. She LETS GO.

Heather Morris from Glee.

we're going to have so much fun together

2011-04-20T01:11:00.001+08:00

The ultimate showdown:

~~PD Reflective Report- on the waaayyy!~~
~~CIE Paper~~
CALL Blog
AE Chapter 4
AE Chapter 5
~~Interviews for AE~~
Lit for Children and Young Adults final test